Columns & Editorials

After many years of traveling to distant destinations in search of material for my writing career and possibly to help stave a lifelong case of wanderlust for new places to hunt and fish, I have more than my share of ‘bloopers’ that, if captured on film, would definitely qualify for prime time TV! Unlucky for me, or maybe it’s my good fortunate, there wasn’t a camera rolling when these outlandish events occurred, at least most of the time! Here are a few of the more humorous outings that come to mind.

Since students have returned to instruction over the last month, there have been flurries of back-toschool activity. Buses are rolling. Many classes are open and filled with students. Many students are learning online. Sports and extracurricular activities are underway. There is a lot of activity going on in our long-empty school corridors. Amid all the movement in our schools, I often wonder what achievement looks like now and what it will look like in December and the Spring.

The whirr of wings when you accidentally flush a bird from its hiding place can startle you and give you pause. The same can be said about watching a student ”get it” and understand what the teacher is teaching. The art of teaching is tightly linked to seeing the lightbulb moments when students make a new connection.

“If you’re doing the right thing, you’ll like it and it’ll be for you to do,” says Victoria, 8. Lots of people today would agree. They say, “If it feels good, do it.”

It seems like we are seeing some perilous times, but what if we were without power for thirty days. Everything in the refrigerator would be spoiled in a few days. Everything in the freezer would be spoiled in a few days. It’s possible that we could be without water. Many victims of the hurricane are experiencing that now. One thing I have finally learned is that everything in the smallest detail is under GOD’S control. All of the people involved and their problems are in GOD’S sight and He is well able to handle each one according to His will. Jesus told His disciples that they “would have troubles in this world”, but He also said “be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world”. GOD did not say He would take away all of our troubles, He said He would make a way for us to come through them. What would it be like if we had no problems at all in this life? We would be completely worthless to GOD and anyone on this world. We would get so bored that we would weigh 900 pounds and unable to move. We just as well admit that as humans, good is dull, and bad is exciting. As I recall when my kids were little and when they did something naughty and funny I would laugh. That is the human side. Well, only GOD can give us the power to overcome this human nature we have inherited by the Holy Spirit He gave at the time we were saved.

A million Christmases ago – which translates into 2, except 2020 counts for at least 10 years, so it could’ve been 12 – my kids gave me a great gift. It was a book of writing prompts. I shrieked with delight. “They really do get me,” I shouted. Talking about things in one’s wheelhouse, this was exactly what I’d been looking for. Believe it or not, it can be difficult to come up with a weekly topic for a newspaper column. I run into readers, hither and yon, who only like certain topics or who only dislike certain topics. While I wish I could appeal to everyone on a personal level, it takes everything I have to crank out words that halfway make sense while editing for typos (not my forte), editing for autocorrect mishaps (I often speak-write if the idea is so intense I fear I might lose it), and editing for size (brevity is not my strong suit). But a book of prompts, why that should get my noggin in tip top shape. Except, like all things that initially excite us but require a surrender of sorts, the book went to the wayside of daily life. This year, though, within the complete, the partial, and the sometimes quarantines, the unwillingness to leave a puppy prone to seizures, and the reorga-nization into a multi-generational home, I find that time is finally on my side. And, so, I dug out that book of writing prompts. It’s really, really good. So, today I bring you an introspective question of sorts, right from the source. “Name one thing you wish your cell phone did for you that it currently does not.” Whoomp, there it is.

Since Spring, America has witnessed the pursuit of social justice that seems to rival that of the 1950s and the 1960s. The magnitude of the unrest is hard to ignore. The only way to not know what is going on is to intentionally not pay attention to it. Ignoring the response to injustice in this case may be worse than ignoring injustice in the first place. The justice being sought in the streets is important and requires and deserves attention. There is another level of injustice occurring every day in America that we are largely quiet about. Illiteracy.

“God created dads so they could wrestle with their daughters or their sons or wife,” says Kaitlin, 8.

I have morbid thoughts. I blame it on my parents. I don’t mean thoughts of self-harm. Even in my darkest days, I have loved and cherished this life and the promise of the suns that will come out on all the tomorrows, bet your bottom dollar. I mean, quite literally, that I am fascinated by morbid things. My husband tells me, regularly, that I should have been a veterinarian. He has learned that I am praise motivated and that complimenting me on intellect will get you twice as many homemade sugar cookies as telling me I’m cute. Smart feller. And, sure, I do love animals. However, I think I’d have made a top notch medical examiner. See, I’m not much of a people person. I like working autonomously. And, I love a good mystery. Nothing piques my interest like the idea of speaking for someone who has a story to tell, maybe the most crucial story, but no ability to tell us. What happened? Who happened? What can we learn from you, dear departed one? Plus, I’m not bothered by smells that much. I’ve always been fascinated by the mortuary industry, too. Remember that HBO show in the early oughts, Six Feet Under, the one about the family in the big Victorian where they lived upstairs and held the funerals downstairs, did the readying in the basement? We all have dreams.

“God created moms to cook most of the time and to water the chickens,” says Jed, 8.

“Human Nature”, that monster we are all born with, has raised its ugly head in full force in the last few months. We see people demonstrating, violence and destruction in almost every state in the country. It appears that many of the people involved have just found a place and time where they can let out their anger and misery on other people and their property without being arrested or hurt. It is a shame and disgrace that we as Americans have allowed this condition to come into this country. I have to admit that I don’t know enough about the people I vote for to lead this country to be confident of their ability to lead. I am sorry for that and I hope to do better in the future.

There’s a scene in Hope Floats, my favorite chick flick, where the main character, Birdie, needs a job. She ends up interviewing with Dot, a girl she may not have treated so kindly in high school. As Dot tries to get a mental picture of Birdie’s capabilities, a Q & A passes between the two women. This is not verbatim, since this 1998 movie is basically impossible to find these days. Dot: How fast do you type, Birdie? Birdie: Oh, I don’t type. See, Bill worked. I was mostly home with the kids. Dot: What about computer work, Birdie? Birdie: Does not compute (flashes a smile). Birdie gets her comeuppance. Dot gets her revenge. I’ve found the most trying times in life occur when you’re caught in the crosshairs of being questioned on something you know nothing about and being expected to cough up an answer, even when you’ve done the scariest part already, the admitting you’re lost part. We Gen X folks are especially bothered by this. See, we are the one generation who took typing in high school and, all these years later, could probably operate TikTok, if we wanted to. We don’t. We know the feeling when the 8-track tape ribbon gets stuck in the stereo. Sorry about that Buddy Holly tape, Mom. We crawled around on our knees for hours looking for the plastic yellow adapter for our 45’s. We made mix tapes. We carried around 25 lb CD albums and did not hesitate to pull into the McDonald’s parking lot to change the discs in our trunks. Now, we stream like there’s no tomorrow. We are well equipped. We are lucky.

It feels like just yesterday school abruptly ended in the early days of COVID19. In reality our students have been out of school for almost 6 months.