Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

Why do people not appreciate things that happen to them? I am so confused by ones that think they deserve everything and don’t have to do anything to earn it. Why should I and everyone else have to take care of them and still listen to their complaining?

Tired of the Crying

Dear Tired of the Crying,

I believe what you are talking about is entitlement. Entitlement is the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. I understand your irritation. It is a narcissistic personality trait. It is unsure how this personality trait is actually developed.

The way you were raised is one possible explanation. Parents or your caregivers doing everything for you and fighting all your battles is another explanation. However we all know individuals that were raised with many blessings that have not developed this trait.

I also believe that many times individuals that suffer from anxiety and depression can exhibit behaviors that resemble this trait. I can promise you that these individuals do not live an easier life.

Imagine being constantly disappointed when people do not cater to your every demand. It may seem as everyone caters to them but I assure you they don’t. Job difficulties and personal relationship difficulties abound for individuals that live in a state of entitlement.

I try to spend as little time as possible with these individuals and I would suggest you do the same.

I would suggest you try to treat others with as much respect as possible.

We all can lean toward comparing ourselves to others’ and our experiences to others experiences. Working on those attitudes can help you to deal with entitled people and can also help entitled individuals change their own behaviors. If you suffer from entitlement issues, practicing gratitude can also aid in overcoming these feelings.

Last week we discussed grit. Developing grit can help an individual deal in a more realistic way with the trials and tribulations of life. Study personal responsibility and practice taking responsibility for things you experience. Postponing gratification is also another healthy habit that entitled individuals seem to lack. A bunch of us have trouble with postponing gratifications. Times when we see others exhibiting this it can really trigger us, because frankly most have a small amount of entitlement.

Practice doing things that are just the right thing to do without expectation of being rewarded. As you build that muscle and receive intrinsic rewards for these behaviors, these behaviors will increase.

Love, Aunt B

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