I am not in a relationship right now, and I really want one. I don’t know how to do single. What are some tips for embracing being single when I want a relationship?
Dear Alone Again,
You are not alone in feeling this way. Wanting a relationship while also learning to enjoy being single? That’s a tricky balance. But it’s so worth figuring out.
I get it. Sometimes, being single can feel like you’re waiting in life’s lobby, scrolling on your phone until your name is called. But here’s the thing: being single isn’t a waiting room. It’s a whole, beautiful chapter of your story. The more you embrace it, the more you’ll realize that a relationship is something you add to an already fulfilling life—not something that completes it.
Being single doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. It does not mean you’re less lovable, less successful, or less of anything. It means you’re currently focusing on the longest relationship you’ll ever have: the one with yourself.
Ask yourself: “What story am I telling myself about being single?”
If it’s something like, “I’m behind,” or “Everyone else has it figured out but me,” it’s time for a rewrite. Being single is an opportunity, not a punishment. It’s your time to figure out what makes your soul light up, without compromising.
“Date myself” sounds cheesy. But hear me out. If you’re craving romance, start by romancing your own dang self. Take yourself out to that restaurant you’ve been eyeing. Plan solo adventures, a movie, a hike, a weekend getaway. You have surely heard the song “I can buy myself flowers”. Do that.
Learning to enjoy your own company sends a powerful message: “I’m worthy of love, including my own.” When the right person comes along, you’ll know they’re adding to your happiness, not filling a void.
Don’t hit pause on your dreams waiting for the one. Want to travel? Book the trip. Want to learn a new skill? Sign up for the class. Want to redecorate your space? Go for it.
The life you want with a partner should be a life you’re already building for yourself. Because here’s a little secret: the more you pursue your own passions, the more interesting, confident, and attractive you become.
It’s easy to get stuck in future thinking: “When I find someone, then I’ll be happy.” But that kind of thinking keeps you in a state of longing instead of living.
Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for about your life right now. They don’t have to be huge – maybe it’s a good cup of coffee, a text from a friend, or the way the sun hit your face on your walk.
Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s abundant. And trust me, there’s more abundance in your life than you probably realize. Romantic love isn’t the only love worth celebrating. Strengthen your friendships. Spend quality time with family. Get involved in your community.
Love is love, no matter what form it takes. You’ll realize that life can be full of connection and warmth without a romantic partner. A rich support network makes it much easier to avoid settling for less than you deserve.
Society loves to push a timeline: date by this age, married by that age, kids by another. But whose timeline is that, really? And why should it dictate your happiness?
Love doesn’t follow a schedule. Some people find their person at 20, others much later. The best love stories don’t always follow predictable timelines, and the most fulfilling lives certainly
don’t.
It’s normal to want a relationship. But when you focus too much on finding it, you risk missing the good stuff happening right now.
Keep your heart open. Go on dates if you want to. Try new things. But don’t let the search for love become your full-time job. The best relationships often come when you’re too busy living your best life to even look.
In the meantime, treat your single season like the gift it is. Sleep in the middle of the bed. Cook what you want. Binge watch your shows. Explore new hobbies.
Your life doesn’t begin when you’re in a relationship. It’s happening now. Don’t miss it.
Love isn’t a prize you win for waiting patiently. It’s something that grows naturally when two whole people come together. Focus on being that whole person. Focus on living, laughing, loving yourself, and embracing today.
And when love does come knocking? It won’t complete you; it’ll complement the incredible person you’ve already
become.
Love,
Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.
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