I have a great relationship, but it seems like it is getting a little stale. I’m not looking for crazy, but how do I bring back a bit of a spark?
Dear Looking for the Spark, A lot of people assume that if they want excitement, they have to throw stability out the window. And if they want stability, they have to accept a little boredom. You can have both. The best relationships are built on a foundation of trust and adventure; comfort and passion; and routine and spontaneity. A few small changes and you can reignite the spark without shaking the foundation of what makes your relationship strong.
Get clear on what excitement actually means to you. Are you looking for more passion? More adventure? More deep conversations? More laughter?
Think back to the early days of your relationship. What made it exciting? Was it the mystery? The effort? The feeling of being pursued? While you can’t recreate the newness, you can recreate the energy that made it feel special.
Leave a handwritten note in their bag, car, or on their pillow. Ladies you might think your man doesn’t like this, but you would be wrong.
Do something unexpected, pick them up for lunch out of the blue, bring home their favorite treat for no reason, or plan a date based on something they casually mentioned months ago.
Routines are great for stability, but they can also lead to predictability, which, let’s be honest, can get boring. You don’t have to ditch your habits altogether, but tweaking them can make a big difference.
Watching Netflix on the couch every night, Go out for a late-night ice cream run or stargazing.
Eating dinner at the table, Have a picnic in your backyard or on the living room floor.
Saying “How was your day?”, Ask a deeper question like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?”
One of the best ways to add excitement without losing stability is to experience new things together. Studies even show that couples who try new activities feel more connected. Take a dance class together (even if you have two left feet, actually, especially if you have two left feet). Try a new hobby, painting, rock climbing, cooking a fancy dish you’ve never made before. Travel somewhere neither of you have been, even if it’s just a small town an hour away. Play a game you’ve never played before, board games, escape rooms, even video games.
When excitement fades in a relationship, it’s often because intimacy (both physical and emotional) has taken a backseat to daily life.
For physical intimacy:
•Kiss like you mean it. Not just a quick peck, really kiss.
•If intimacy has become predictable, switch things up. Change locations, set the mood differently, or try something new together.
•Be affectionate outside the bedroom. Hold hands, hug for longer, run your fingers through their hair. Physical touch builds connection.
For emotional intimacy:
•Ask deep questions. Instead of, “How was your day?” try “What’s something you wish people understood about you?”
•Reminisce about your best moments. Look through old pictures, talk about your favorite memories together, and remind yourselves why you fell in love.
•Share your fears, dreams, and thoughts.
Have more fun. Relationships don’t have to be serious all the time. Watch standup comedy together. Have a game night with ridiculous stakes (loser does all the dishes for a week!). Try to recreate a viral TikTok dance (even if it’s a disaster). Give each other a challenge, like cooking a meal using only five ingredients.
Laughter isn’t just fun, it’s bonding. When you laugh together, you create positive energy that makes your relationship feel light.
The best relationships evolve. If you feel stuck in a rut, ask yourself: “Are we growing, or are we just maintaining?”
Set a goal together, saving for something, training for a race, reading a book at the same time. Talk about your individual dreams and how you can support each other. Challenge each other to become the best versions of yourselves.
Excitement doesn’t have to mean chaos, and stability doesn’t have to mean boredom. The key is to stay curious about each other. Keep finding new things to love, new ways to surprise, and new experiences to share.
You don’t need to fix anything; you just need to refresh it. And the best part? You already have the most important ingredient: a relationship worth keeping exciting.
Love,
Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.
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