Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I have a co-worker that doesn’t like me. How do I deal with this toxic coworker who spreads rumors about me at work?

Dear Not True,

Dealing with a toxic coworker can feel like you’re starring in a workplace soap opera you didn’t audition for. That’s not just toxic; it’s downright exhausting.

First off, let me say this loud and clear: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Toxic people thrive on stirring up drama because it distracts from their own insecurities. We can’t control their behavior, but we can control how we respond.

I know it’s tempting to march into their cubicle, slam your coffee down, and give them a piece of your mind. But trust me, what they want is your reaction. Toxic people feed off your emotions. Instead, take a deep breath, channel your inner Zen, and remind yourself: You’re better than this.

Staying calm doesn’t mean being a pushover, though. It means keeping your cool while you figure out your game plan. Picture yourself calm and serene on the surface,

even if you are not underneath.

Find out what’s actually being said. Rumors, like a bad game of telephone, often morph as they travel. Listen to what’s floating around, but don’t turn into a detective trying to trace every whisper. A little information can go a long way in determining how to address the situation. Keep it factual and avoid getting sucked into the drama.

Anytime you hear about a rumor or see toxic behavior, document it. Write down dates, times, witnesses, everything. This isn’t about being paranoid; it’s about being prepared. If you ever need to escalate the situation, you’ll want clear, objective records to back you up.

Trust me, staying professional will save you in the long run. Don’t stoop to their level by retaliating with rumors of your own. Instead, let your actions and attitude speak for you. Focus on doing your job well and being the kind of person others can trust. People will see through the toxic coworker eventually; bad behavior always reveals itself in time. If someone brings the rumor to you, respond with something neutral but firm, like: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m not sure where that’s coming from, but it’s not accurate.”

Then pivot the conversation. The less airtime you give their nonsense, the less power it has.

If you’re feeling bold and it’s safe to do so, consider talking to the coworker directly. Calmly and privately, say something like: “I’ve heard some things being said about me, and I wanted to check in with you. Is there something you’d like to discuss with me directly?”

Nine times out of ten, this approach catches them off guard. Toxic people rarely expect to be confronted. They thrive in the shadows, so shining a light on their behavior can sometimes stop them in their tracks.

You’re not there to argue or accuse, just to address the behavior and make it clear you’re aware of what’s going on. If they deny everything or get defensive, don’t push it. You’ve planted the seed, and that’s enough.

If the rumors are damaging your reputation or creating a hostile work environment, it’s time to involve the big guns. Take your documentation to your manager or HR department and calmly explain the situation. Focus on the impact the behavior is having on your ability to do your job, rather than making it personal. For example: “I’ve noticed some false information being shared about me, and it’s starting to affect my work and relationships in the office. I wanted to bring it to your attention so we can address it constructively.”

Good leaders will take this seriously. If your workplace is worth its salt, they’ll step in to resolve the issue.

Dealing with toxicity at work can take a toll on your mental health. Make sure you’re carving out time to recharge outside of work. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not drag you down. Whether it’s yoga, binge-watching your favorite series, or grabbing dinner with a friend, find ways to fill your emotional cup. And don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor if the situation starts to weigh on you.

You can’t control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you show up. By staying calm, professional, and true to yourself, you’ll come out of this with your integrity intact and that’s worth more than any office drama. Toxic coworkers come and go, but your reputation and peace of mind are yours to protect.

Remember, you’re stronger than this nonsense, and you’ve got Aunt B cheering you on every step of the way.

Love,

Aunt B

If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.