Ask Aunt B,

I recently started therapy, and I feel like it’s bringing up more issues than it’s solving. Is this normal, or should I stop going?

Than I Expected

Dear Digging Up More Than I Expected, You’ve opened the door to a room most people would rather keep locked tight, and let me tell you, that’s brave. Starting therapy can feel like unpacking a closet you’ve been shoving stuff into for years. At first, it’s chaos: boxes everywhere, things you forgot were in there, and a sinking feeling that you should have just left it alone. But stick with me here: what feels overwhelming now could turn into one of the most transformative experiences of your life.

What you’re feeling is completely normal. Therapy isn’t about slapping a Band-Aid on things and calling it a day. It’s about digging deep, sometimes deeper than you’d like, to get to the root of what’s troubling you, and digging is messy business.

Think of therapy like gardening. To plant something new, you often have to dig up old roots and weeds. It’s not always pretty, and at first, it can look worse than when you started. But that’s not a sign to stop; it’s a sign that you’re doing the work. Therapy is supposed to stir things up; it means you’re touching on things that matter.

Most therapists expect things to get worse at first. This is where open communication is key. Be honest with your therapist. Tell them exactly what you’re feeling: overwhelmed, unsure, or even tempted to quit. Trust me, they’ll want to know.

Therapists aren’t mind readers. If you don’t tell them how you’re feeling, they might not realize the impact therapy is having on you. A good therapist will adjust their approach, slow things down, or help you focus on tools to manage the emotions that are coming up. Therapy should feel challenging, yes, but not impossible.

When you started therapy, you might have imagined feeling better quickly and you may have had a sense of relief wash over you after just a few sessions just by getting things off your chest. But then the unpacking years of habits, patterns, and emotions sets in, and that work is hard.

If therapy is bringing up a lot of emotions, it’s important to have tools to help you manage them outside of the session. Your therapist should help you build a toolbox of coping strategies, but here are a few to start with:

•Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can help you process what’s coming up in therapy. Sometimes getting the words out on paper takes the sting out of them.

•Mindfulness or meditation: Even a few minutes a day can help calm your mind and create some space between you and your emotions.

•Movement: Whether it’s a walk, yoga, or dancing around your living room, moving your body helps release tension and stress.

•Support systems: Lean on friends, family, or support groups who can remind you that you’re not alone.

Remember, therapy isn’t just about what happens in the room; the more important stuff happens outside the therapy room in how you apply what you’re learning in your day-today life.

If therapy doesn’t feel right, if you don’t click with your therapist, or you’re not comfortable with their approach, it’s okay to reevaluate. A good therapeutic relationship is built on trust, and if you’re not feeling that, you have every right to seek a different

therapist or approach.

Quitting entirely, though? I’d caution against that, especially if it’s fear or discomfort driving the decision. Those feelings often mean you’re on the verge of a breakthrough, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

When therapy feels tough, remind yourself why you started. What brought you to this point? What were you hoping to gain? It might help to write them down and revisit them when you’re tempted to throw in the towel.

And give yourself some credit. It takes courage to confront the tough stuff. A lot of people avoid it altogether. The fact that you’re doing this work shows strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Sometimes therapy is like a storm that clears the air before the sun comes out. Feeling like it’s stirring up more issues is normal—it means you’re touching on things that need your attention. But don’t go it alone; talk to your therapist, pace yourself, and use the tools at your disposal. Trust that you’re doing something worthwhile, even if it’s hard.

Love,

Aunt B

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