Ask Aunt B

How can I tell if my boyfriend is serious about me? We have been in a long-term relationship which many would consider like a marriage. However he does not do the simple things to put me on his insurance or things to take care of me. I think he loves me, but I don't understand his lack of caring behaviors.

Dear Help me,

I hear you, you’re in a longterm relationship that feels like a marriage, but when it comes to those gestures that show 'I’ve got your back'— like putting you on his insurance— your boyfriend’s dropping the ball. You feel the love, but you’re confused by his lack of what we might call practical caring.

First, let me say, it’s perfectly natural to want that assurance. Love isn’t just about candlelit dinners and sweet words; it’s about showing up in ways that provide security, stability, and care for each other in real, tangible ways.

Everyone has their own way of showing love. Some people are all about the grand gestures, while others may believe just being there day-today is enough. It’s not wrong for you to expect more—especially when you’re talking about real-life responsibilities like insurance or planning for the future.

One possibility is that your boyfriend might not see those things—insurance, legal stuff, etc.—as love gestures, but more like 'business' decisions. And some folks don’t always connect that to emotions. They think, “Hey, I love her; I’m here, aren’t I?” But being present doesn’t always equate to making sure your needs are met in the long term.

It’s important to think about what he views as being serious. Does he see your relationship as already “settled” without needing extra steps? Does he feel overwhelmed by the prospect of things that seem “too legal” or “too binding,” even if he’s committed emotionally? That could be his hang-up—it’s not that he doesn’t care, but the act of officially putting you on insurance or doing other serious “adulting” things might feel daunting or like a bigger step than he’s ready for, even if he’s already deeply in love.

You’ve got to have “the talk”—not in an accusatory or frustrated way, but in a way that allows you both to understand where the other is coming from. Approach it like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our future and how we’re already living like a married couple. It would mean a lot to me if we took some steps to make sure we’re taking care of each other in practical ways too, like putting me on your insurance. Can we talk about that?”

If he hesitates or avoids the conversation, it could be a sign that while he loves you, he might have some unresolved fears about commitment at that level. Maybe he’s comfortable where things are and feels like, “Why rock the boat?” Or perhaps the idea of making things more official scares him because it feels too final, like crossing into a new phase of life he’s not fully prepared for emotionally.

In this case, it’s worth exploring if it’s just a timing issue— he could need more time to feel ready for these next steps—or if it’s a sign of deeper ambivalence about the long-term future. If it’s the latter, you need to know that now. You don’t want to keep investing in someone who isn’t as serious as you are.

It sounds like you’ve been more than patient, waiting for him to step up. Now, it’s time for you to see if he’s willing to meet you where you need him. Because, practical care is emotional care. Taking steps to ensure your well-being, like adding you to his insurance, is a way of saying, “I’m thinking about your future and your safety.” If he doesn’t see that, you may need to ask yourself some hard questions about what you're willing to compromise on in the long run.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it's not always enough to sustain a relationship—especially if one partner feels like their practical needs aren’t being met. If he genuinely cares for you, he should want to protect and provide for you, in whatever way makes sense for your relationship. And if he doesn’t? Well, then you have to ask yourself if you’re okay with staying in a relationship that doesn’t give you the full support you’re asking for.

My advice is to have that conversation and listen closely— not just to what he says, but how he says it. Does he sound confused but willing to figure it out? Or does he get defensive or dismissive? His reaction will tell you a lot.

If he’s open to making those changes, great! Be patient but clear about your expectations. If he resists, then you have to decide if you’re willing to stay in a relationship where your practical needs aren’t fully met. Love is important, but so is peace of mind.

Whatever happens, know this: you deserve someone who not only says they love you but shows it through actions that safeguard your future. Don’t settle for less.

Love,

Aunt B

If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.