Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B Readers,

In preparing for this week's column, I was struck with an interesting thought. What is the best advice I have ever received, and did I act upon it? So in the vein of this question, I ask you to submit to me the best advice you have ever received. Also any ideas you have come across for implementing those ideas. Thanks in advance.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was deceptively simple: 'Focus on what you can control.' I’ll tell you, this little nugget has had a profound impact on how I navigate life’s ups and downs.

I used to spend a lot of time worrying about things that were completely out of my control. Whether it was stressing over how someone might react to something I said or worrying about world events that I could do nothing about, I often found myself consumed by anxiety. It was exhausting and, more importantly, unproductive.

The advice came to me from a wise mentor during a particularly stressful time in my life. I was overwhelmed by a situation at work. The project depended heavily on contributions from others, and not everyone was pulling their weight. I was losing sleep over the possibility of failure. A mentor gave me that simple piece of advice: 'Focus on what you can control.'

This advice seemed too straightforward, and simple. As I sat with it, I began to see its wisdom. I couldn’t control how others were contributing to the project. I could focus on my own work, ensuring that my contributions were as strong as possible. I could also communicate more effectively, clarifying expectations and offering help where needed. In short, I could take responsibility for my part and let go of what I couldn’t influence.

With the mental shift, I began to consciously identify what was within my control and what wasn’t. This required a lot of self-awareness and the willingness to let go of my need to control outcomes. It wasn’t easy at first—I’m a bit of a perfectionist, and letting go doesn’t come naturally to me. But the more I practiced, the more I noticed a shift in my stress levels and overall well-being.

In that work situation, for example, I began to focus on improving my own performance and communication. I scheduled regular check-ins with my team, not to micromanage but to offer support and ensure we were all on the same page. I stopped worrying about whether everyone would meet their deadlines and instead concentrated on making sure my parts were completed on time. And you know what? The project didn’t collapse. It wasn’t perfect, but it was completed, and I learned valuable lessons for future projects.

Beyond work, this advice has shaped how I handle personal relationships, too. We all have those difficult conversations or moments of tension with loved ones where we want to control how the other person feels or reacts. By focusing on what I can control—my words, my tone, my intentions—I’ve found that these interactions become less stressful. I can’t control if someone gets upset by something I say, but I can ensure that I’m being as kind and clear as possible.

This advice has been particularly transformative in dealing with health issues. There have been times when health challenges have come up, either for me or loved ones, that were completely beyond my control. It’s natural to feel helpless in these situations, focusing on what I can control—whether it’s following a treatment plan, seeking second opinions, or just making healthier daily choices—has helped me feel more empowered and less overwhelmed.

Like any advice, it’s a constant practice. I’m not always successful at focusing only on what I can control. There are times when I slip back into old habits of worrying about things I can’t change. But when I catch myself, I try to remember the freedom that comes with letting go of the uncontrollable. It’s a bit like decluttering your mind— once you clear out the useless worry, you make space for more productive thoughts and actions.

In the end, this advice has helped me approach life with a more balanced and resilient mindset. It’s taught me to accept that, while I can’t control everything, I can always control how I respond. And in that response lies my true power. So, whenever I feel that familiar stress creeping in, I remind myself to take a step back, breathe, and focus on what I can control. It’s not just advice anymore; it’s a way of life.

Aunt B

If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.