I have a bit of a problem. I have some really good friends that I love. I love to spend time with them. The problem is they have a friend that I can’t stand. I mean really can’t stand. I can’t be in the same room with them. I have tried to get over this, but I just can't. Should I say something to my friend? Should I just pull away from the one I enjoy so much? Can I get to where I can be in the same room with someone that has hurt me hard?
Dear Friends of Friends,
You do have yourself in a real pickle, don’t you? On one hand, you've got these wonderful friends that light up your life, and on the other, there's this one person who makes you want to run for the hills. I hear you loud and clear, and trust me, you’re not alone in this kind of situation. Let’s dive into this and figure out a way to handle it without losing your sanity—or your friends.
First off, let’s talk about that one person who’s hurt you. It’s no small thing to feel such strong emotions toward someone, especially when those emotions are on the negative side. It sounds like this isn’t just a simple annoyance but something deeper—maybe they betrayed your trust, said something that cut you to the bone, or just rubbed you the wrong way in a big way. Whatever it is, it’s valid. You’re feeling it, and it’s affecting you. The question is, what do you do about it?
Should you say something to your friends? Well, yes and no.
If you decide to talk to them, you need to be careful about how you approach it. Your goal should be to communicate your feelings without making it seem like you’re forcing them to choose sides (even though down deep you probably want them to choose sides and choose you, and that’s normal). You know this is putting them in an uncomfortable position. Here’s how you could approach it: Choose a time when you’re with your friend one-on-one and you both are in a good place emotionally. You don’t want this conversation to come out of left field or when they’re dealing with their own stuff.
You might say something like, “I really enjoy our time together, but I have to be honest, I struggle when [Person X] is around because of [specific reason]. I know they’re important to you, and I don’t want to put you in the middle, and I’m trying to figure out how to handle my feelings.”
Your friend might surprise you—they may not realize how much this is affecting you. They could be understanding and find ways to include you in things without the other person or at least be more mindful of your feelings if you’re all together. The risk is they might feel caught in the middle or even defensive. So you want to be prepared for it.
Pulling away from the one you enjoy is tough because you don’t want to lose those friendships, but at the same time, you can’t keep torturing yourself by being around someone who makes you feel terrible.
Pulling back doesn’t have to mean losing your friends. It’s more about protecting your own peace of mind while still maintaining the relationships that matter to you. And who knows? Over time, the distance might even help you heal.
What about the idea of making peace with this person who you don’t like. Now, I’m not saying you need to become best buddies or even forgive and forget, but sometimes finding a way to coexist is the best option—especially if they’re a fixture in your friend group.
Start by asking yourself if there’s any room for forgiveness or if you can at least let go of some of the hurt. People are flawed, and they make mistakes— some more than others. If there’s a chance you can move past it, even just enough to tolerate their presence, that might be worth exploring. This doesn’t mean you condone what they did or that you have to fake being friendly, but for your own peace, it might help to release some of your hard feelings. You know this is coming right? Your anger is only hurting you, not the offensive
person.
Here’s the thing: life’s too short to spend it feeling uncomfortable and hurt. You deserve to enjoy your time with your friends without that dark cloud hanging over your head. Whether you decide to speak up, step back, or try to find some sort of peace with this person, the key is to be true to yourself.
Relationships are complicated, but they’re also worth the effort when they bring joy to our lives. If these friendships are as important to you as they seem, then finding a way to navigate this tricky situation with grace and honesty is the way to go. And remember, you’re stronger than you think. You’ve already survived the hurt this person caused, and that shows just how resilient you are.
Love,
Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ for-neymessenger.
com.
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