Someone very close to me has dementia. Boy is it difficult to watch. I am not quite sure how to support those I love that are even closer to this person. Can you give me any ideas?
Dear Hard for Everyone, I am so sorry that you are having this experience. So very many people are dealing with this now. I know firsthand it can be heartbreaking. Probably the first thing would be to educate yourself on dementia. From what I have experienced, clarity comes and goes. This can make it even more difficult sometimes because you can be talking and then all of a sudden it all changes. It kinda takes you back and becomes very confusing. I can only imagine how confusing it must be for the loved one. I would say your best bet would be to just go with the flow. Try very hard not to argue with them or make your point that is different from what they are living. Dang, I know this is hard, sometimes downright impossible. If you can, and as soon as you can, just stop the conversation and try to change the subject to something not controversial.
Listening is the best thing you can do for your loved one that is even closer to the person with dementia. Try hard not to give advice unless you are asked. We all usually know what we need to do but actually doing it is a very different and difficult story. So many emotions are flooding that it can be difficult to sort them out. I suspect my best advice is to breathe through the uncomfortable time and to try like (H) to not take any of it personally. You Aunt B readers know my next advice: take care of yourself. Practice as much self-care as you can fit in your day. Laugh about anything you can. I know this is no laughing matter but try hard to find some humor in anything you can.
It’s important to try to maintain their dignity as much as possible. As dementia progresses, it can be easy to focus only on the person's needs and forget they are still an individual with their own preferences, history, and personality. Try to involve them in decisions, listen to their concerns, and respect their autonomy as much as possible. One of the best ideas I know came from my sister-in-law. She has made a large number of scrapbooks with pictures old and new. My mother-inlaw (which is my connection to this disease, God love her) loves looking at these over and over. It is so much fun for her to look at them with others as well.
People with dementia may struggle with language and comprehension. Use simple words, speak clearly, and maintain eye contact. It's also important to show empathy and patience. Nonverbal cues such as touch, smiles, and gestures can also be comforting. Sorry for the misleading information, however, as there can come a time where this touch can be unsettling as well. Take all your cues from your loved one. They will let you know what works for them and what doesn’t. It might change from day to day. Pay attention.
Dementia can impair judgment and problemsolving skills, increasing the risk of accidents. Making simple adjustments to the home can enhance safety, such as removing trip hazards, using safety locks, and ensuring the home is welllit. It is a good idea to check out what other living options are available to your loved one if they are still living at home. Not everyone will have these options, but it is good to know what is available.
Routine can provide comfort and structure. Try to keep daily activities consistent, such as mealtimes, bedtime, and activities. This can help reduce confusion and anxiety.
A couple of resources include:
•Alzheimer's Association (alz.org): Offers a wealth of information, support groups, and a 24/7 helpline.
•The National Institute on Aging (nia.nih.gov): Offers detailed guides on caring for someone with Alzheimer's and dementia.
Love,
Aunt B
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