Dear Aunt B, My heart is broken. I can’t even explain to you what has happened, so I know I am asking a great deal. Please help me heal my broken heart. I'm not sure how to begin.
Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken, I am truly sorry about your current situation. I send you much love and peace. There are many people this very minute dealing with broken hearts. I’m sure that doesn’t feel better, but just knowing you are not alone can help.
The good news is that, for a heart to be broken, it had to have loved hard. That is a gift, you know, loving hard. I know it doesn’t feel like a gift right now, but I promise it is. Anyone with a heart that has loved so hard knows how to love and can love again.
First allow yourself to grieve whatever you have lost. I don’t mean allow yourself to bury yourself in your grief. Make time to feel your emotions but also spend time outside those emotions. Do other things while giving this experience the time and respect it deserves. Don’t judge yourself if you are grieving in a way different from others. We all do this in our own way. So when someone tells you crazy things like “just move on” or “time heals all” or any combination of crazy talk, just smile and turn away and you do you. Heal in your own way. People are uncomfortable when you are heartbroken. Try not to judge them either. Generally they are doing and saying the best they know.
Surround yourself with loved ones. Spend time with ones that love and support you. On the opposite end of this stick, also spend time by yourself. In your alone time you will get your best work done. Ask yourself hard questions and listen to your wise self give you great answers. Of course, seek professional help if you need. Often churches in the area offer grief groups. These can be a good way to meet people who may be going through similar situations.
Now is a good time to up your self-care. Make sure you are getting good nutrition, plenty of fruits and vegetables. Get a good amount of high-quality sleep, but don’t sleep your time away. You will know the difference. Are you spending too much time sleeping to numb yourself, or do you just need a little extra right now? Drink plenty of good clean filtered water. Laugh as much as you can. Watch some comedy. I have just recently found a comedian that is so dang funny. Have you heard of Nate Bargatze? Look him up if you haven’t.
When you are ready, it is a good time for some personal growth. What might you like to do that you aren’t doing currently? Good idea to bring something new into your life. Read, read, read.
If your heart brokenness comes from someone that has hurt you, then eventually you will want to forgive them and forgive yourself for anything you might be blaming yourself for. Forgiveness is hard work but so very worth the time you spend. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget, because you can’t forget. You don’t go brain dead. It also doesn’t mean that you welcome anyone back into your life that no longer deserves a spot. It just means you move on and keep your heart open.
Be patient with yourself. This can take time, and everyone has their own process to heal a broken heart. Listen for what you need. Be gentle with yourself.
Love, Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.
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