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Welcome to fall! Wait. Is it? I’m miraculously 3 weeks ahead on writing columns, so all I can tell you, people of the future, is that today is the 3rd day of October, and the temperature is a chilly 92 degrees. I call that fauxl – faux fall – an autumn imposter, if you will. The dates say otherwise, but the soccer fields still say deep summer, offering me sweaty crossed legs and heat induced headaches as I sit and swelter, the grandkids and their unaffected young bodies able to run up and down the fields at a normal pace. The cracks in my front yard are wide enough to envelop a giant wildebeest or a smart car. I find myself ever careful as I water the flowers, lest I disappear into a giant crevice. The dogs linger by the back door instead of frolicking as dogs should, their eager-tocome- inside snouts fogging the glass as the drool of a too hot day dribbles and dries on the doors with a whitish cast. These are things I probably complain about most every October, come to think of it. This is Texas, after all. We should change our state nickname from The Lone Star State to The Stubborn State. Welcome to Texas, the land that holds onto summertime like a bull rider trying to hit the buzzer. But a final summer rally is not the only thing that attacks us around this time of year. It’s the season of pink, pink washing, that is.

A recent trip through Walmart led to me thinking long and hard about how to address this topic. While I have always been perplexed at the sea of pink labels each October, it seemed so hypocritical of me to protest. After all, did I not benefit from the dollars donated to research? I’ve been in remission for over 15 years now. Shouldn’t I be glad my ribbon was the beloved pretty one? But I can’t deny my shock and, often, horror over the items proclaiming themselves to be things we need, things we must purchase, not because of their quality ingredients or how they will make us healthier, but despite how they will do the opposite of those things. Don’t worry your pretty pink head. I have examples for you. My inner faux lawyer is telling me to remind you that these are only my opinions. The things I opine are not the musings of this publication. They just live rent free in my head.

Enter the topic of alcohol. My good friend, Dr. Daniel Amen (he doesn’t actually know we’re good friends) has this to say about consuming alcohol. “Alcohol is not your friend.” He explains that even minute quantities damage the liver, damage the brain’s pre-frontal cortex, and contribute to/worsen psychiatric disorders. Plainly put, it is literal poison. On a personal note, you are instructed to avoid alcohol at all costs during cancer treatment. But, by all means, go ahead and purchase vats of Mike’s Hard Lemonade, an alcoholic drink, since there’s a pink ribbon on the label. Next, let’s examine energy drinks, specifically the popular 5-hour Energy shots. In the last decade, there have been 92 associations between these drinks and serious injuries, including 13 deaths. Yet, there they sit, ready for purchase with an emblazoned pink ribbon glowing like a beacon. Finally, we don’t need to stay inside Walmart to be hit with a lethal dose of pink ribbon. We can drive over to Kentucky Fried Chicken for that. There aren’t enough words in the world to explain the worrisome ingredients in the chicken, but I will try by focusing on just two. Calcium propionate is a preservative found in this fast-food chain’s staple dish. It is known to cause behavior changes like irritability, restlessness, and insomnia in children. If you can get beyond the mind-altering properties, you should know that this tasty dish is fried in canola oil, one of the most harmful things you can consume. Canola is a polyunsaturated oil known to be a carcinogen. It can make our cells too rigid to function properly, accelerate aging, contribute to asthma, and wreak havoc in our GI tracts by causing extreme inflammation. And, yes, you can bring a pink bucket home to your family today.

It is hard to know where to apply the blame. There are many organizations that utilize the pink ribbon. Fun fact, the most well-known of those organizations attempted to copyright the ribbon to funnel all those proceeds but was unsuccessful. So, they designed their own pink ribbon, though I could not find any info on what makes theirs different from a generic rosy version. The term is pink washing. There are two factors of concern: organizations getting disproportionate publicity for donating very little of product proceeds, and organizations using the ribbon to promote carcinogenic products, aka, selling cancer to raise money to fight cancer. Make it make sense, friends.

If you or someone you love is fighting breast cancer, I will spare you all the kitschy sayings, though it’s all displayed on t-shirts waiting to be purchased. Instead, I will pray for your successful treatments, for your family, and for a hopeful future. Cancer is a beast best fought with a clean mind, a clean diet, and a squeakyclean conscience. You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for any pink.