Dear Aunt B,
I want to be anywhere but home. What is wrong with me? How do I fix this? Home Not So Sweet Dear Home Not So Sweet, PS (In Advance): I do realize at the completion of this column, that I could have missed the mark with this answer. You might have been asking a more emotional question. Stay tuned to next week.
Oh baby, oh baby, please do something about this now. Not tomorrow, take one small step today, right now, to loving your home.
If you are in any type of danger, reach out to someone. Life can be good; I promise it can. The first step is yours.
If danger is not the problem, then even more true is the statement, “the first step is yours.” Maybe you don’t know what you want. I get that, I have had times when I thought and believed I didn’t know what I wanted. I have said those words, “I don’t even know what I like.” This has actually never been true; it was a story that I told myself to stop exploring and examining. I can tell you when I first look at almost anything if I like it or not. Yet, I continued to state my claim, ”I don’t even know what I like. I don’t know what makes me happy.” Just like a crying little baby, I’m not sure what I was trying to prove to anyone or even myself, but it was a lie. Stop it. Don’t sell yourself short with this limiting thought. If you are not completely clear, sit with it awhile.
Back to your home. What is missing in your home? What do you have too much of in your home? It can be both. I know as much as I like to proclaim that I am just not as neat as my husband, that I just like a little clutter, this again is another lie. Don’t get me wrong, I like things. I love to be surrounded by beautiful objects. I love meaningful remembrances of times past. But, clutter upsets my stomach. It is just me being lazy and actually a way I complicate my life. It is a way I keep myself confused. It is a way I cloud my vision. It clouds my clarity. It dilutes my appreciation. Trust me, clutter is not your friend. If clutter is not your problem, then what?
Do you not have comforts surrounding you? What comforts you? I may have mentioned it before - actually I can’t imagine that I haven't - but I love lamp light. Really love the way light flows both up and down out of a lamp. Not much of a fan of overhead light. There are exceptions to that rule as well. Lamp light comforts me. Some fabrics comfort me. Texture comforts me. Beauty comforts me. Explore what comforts you. Find a way to bring more of those comforts into your home. This does not have to be expensive. You could be surprised at what you have lying around or stuck in a drawer or closet that would give you great pleasure and happiness to look at. Secondhand stores are great places to find comfort items. These places can also be a trigger for me for the clutter, so stay with your mission of finding things you love and bring you comfort.
It is important to set up a space that is yours. Preferably a place where you can sit and read or write or dream. Find the most comfortable chair you have and get it somewhere in your home you can call your own. Give it a name. Inform those you live with that you lay claim to the space, that this space is off limits. Inform them when you are in your space that only emergencies can claim you. Start as small as you need to and grow your spaces as quickly as you are able. These spaces will open up into spaces you share with others you live with, but start with your private one.
Love, Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.
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