Dear Aunt B, I am a perfectionist. I have always been a bit proud of this fact. I am recently realizing how dysfunctional this behavior is. Is it too late to change? What are some suggestions for changing this behavior? Perfect is Best, Right? Dear Perfect is Best, Right?
You are onto something for sure. Perfect is not best. Actually perfect is an illusion. Dealing with perfectionism can be a challenging task, but here are ten strategies that can help:
•Set Realistic Goals: Often those of us who strive for perfection also set ourselves up for failure by expecting way more from ourselves than physically possible. Look at your goals. Look at what is on your plate. Modify your to do list to be more realistic.
•Embrace Imperfection: What does that even mean? Imperfection sounds like such a bad word. The truth is nothing is really ever perfect. Have you heard the saying “better done”? It means things are better done than perfect. How many things do you never finish because they just can’t get to perfect?
•Monitor Self-Talk: What kind of things are you saying to yourself? Do you constantly tell yourself you must be perfect? Do you sabotage even more by telling yourself you aren’t good enough? Change the things you say to yourself. This takes us to the next very important strategy.
•Be Kind to Yourself: Should I just start every Aunt B with this sentence? If I had a billboard on every highway it would say “Be Kind To Yourself”.
•Enjoy the Journey: Do you enjoy the work you do or just the outcome? Work at enjoying all the steps of your work. It’s possible that slowing down and being more mindful will allow you to enjoy all the work. If you don’t enjoy the process, see what you can delegate to another. Yes, asking for help is on this list as well.
•Take Care of Yourself: Are you taking good care of yourself? This includes being kind and monitoring your self talk, but there is more. Are you getting adequate sleep? Drinking plenty of filtered water? Eating nutritious food? Having some fun? I bet you can improve on all of the above.
•Ask for Help: Yes, others are capable of doing some of your work. If not, you need some new people. You might be surprised how capable others can be when you give them a chance.
•Set Boundaries: I hate boundaries, but they are so important for our wellbeing. I only hate them because I waited too long to set them and now they are uncomfortable. I so enjoy working and being with people that have strong boundaries. Especially when they built those boundaries early on before they became angry when people didn’t respect boundaries that they never set. It’s funny how we do that, blame others for not setting OUR boundaries.
•Check Out Your Limiting Beliefs and Challenge Them: Examine yourself. Why do you think you are such a perfectionist? Is it a habit, or does it go deeper? If you need help, reach out to a professional or a good friend.
•Acknowledge and Appreciate Your Growth: Pay attention and take pride when you make strides on this issue. Practice some gratitude for yourself and your growth. This is a gradual process and can take time to implement strategies.
Love, Aunt B
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