I am not a smart person. I can’t seem to grasp technology. I don’t understand Wi-Fi at all, leading me into all sorts of predicaments where I must edit my columns on my phone where autocorrect often changes words into other words, like 2 weeks ago. Did you catch that? Tint became tent. I blame it on self-diagnosed ADHD. I am easily distracted, especially by cats. I’m horrible at math. I’ve been told that my orating skills are lacking sorely. My stories are long and laborious, twisting into pretzel-like dead end journeys that never seem to find the cheese in the maze. But, if you need someone who files away incredibly detailed info snippets into their brain that leads to random shout outs of the most random facts, spontaneously, I’m your girl. I make a heck of a Trivial Pursuit partner. I’m also decent at music trivia, especially if we’re concentrating on 70s-80s tunes. I often yell at my husband, “Quick! Your life is at stake! Your survival depends on your ability to tell me who sings this song. Go!” My husband is very smart. He understands boring things like debt-to-income ratios and the dollar and other nonsense that makes me yawn. He seriously doubts the zombie apocalypse will ever occur, or that music trivia will save the day in the event it does happen. Also, he just doesn’t know who sang the song. But, we do tend to balance each other well. I hope so, at least. By the time you read this column, we will have already returned from a much-needed vacation to celebrate our 20th anniversary. You may think we headed straight to an all-inclusive resort in a tropical locale. Nope. Perhaps we are Flora-Bama aficionados, beaching it down south for a week? Wrong. Surely we are international travelers with sensible walking shoes, snapping our digital lives away in Italy or Spain? No again. We leave in 48 hours, headed once again, to Idaho.
When I first heard of Idaho as a vacation mecca, I thought only of potatoes. When I think potatoes, I think of the Great Potato Famine of Ireland in the mid 1800s. Did you know over a million people died? Some Irish towns lost 70% of their population due to both starvation and mass exodus when the staple food of the poor was decimated by fungus. Good info to file away, huh? But, look at a map. Really! Go look. Idaho is next to Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, Oregon, Washington, AND Montana. Idaho even shares a sliver of Yellowstone with Wyoming and Montana. The Oregon Trail cuts through the state capital of Boise. You can still see the wagon ruts coming over the mountain. The wagon drivers would have to pull back so hard on the oxen to keep the whole shebang from toppling over the mountainside that they would just slide down, wagon and all, leaving such deep indentions in the soil that you can still see them.
Idaho is mountains, so many different mountains, a whopping 29 different ranges! From the Rockies to the Bitterroots to the mighty Sawtooth range (my personal fav), Idaho means elevation. Of course, mountains mean valleys. The river basin plain of the Snake River is one of the most beautiful sights you’ll ever see. This contrast in topography was surely what drew so many indigenous tribes to Idaho: the Kootenai, the Nez Perce, the Paiute, and theShoshone-Bannock,justto name a few. While many folks head north to the panhandle area where the wealthy have 2nd homes in areas like Sandpoint and Coeur D’ Alene, along Lake Pend Oreille (I promise you, none of these words are pronounced the way they appear), my husband and I have fallen in love with a tiny little eastern town along the Salmon River called Stanley, population 116. We perused through the area a couple of years ago, during a surprise October blizzard. “Oh, hey, we’d love to feed you, but today is the last day before we close up THE ENTIRE TOWN for the winter.” We were intrigued. We are going back. This is where the random trivia anxiety settles in for a long nap.
I am worried. Not the best flyer, I don’t like things such as airports, tiny plane seats, stinky people, rude people, turbulence, or temper tantrums at any age. I will be ever so glad once we touch down in Boise. Did I tell you we are renting a live-in van? So, now I must worry about the van people meeting us at the airport. Will we be able to remember their verbal directions on how to operate all the bells and whistles? Will we make it to Stanley in time to scout out a place to park and sleep in our van? Will we have to stealth camp at the Boise Cracker Barrell? Will there be bears in Stanley? Can bears break into vans? Eastern Idaho has black bears and grizzlies that grow up to 800 lbs. What if we run out of water? Did I pack correctly? There will be rain, it seems. Can you sleep in a van in a thunderstorm? Did you know that serial killers like to target national parks? Did you know the best profession for serial killers is a cross-country truck driver? The highs will be in the 60s. Do I need extra sweatshirts? We are planning a six-mile hike where we will have to cross a river on a log. What if I fall in? What if I step on a snake? Did you know rattlesnakes are indigenous to Idaho? So are mountain lions, wolves, and multiple species of highly venomous spiders. I am dying to see a ghost town. I hope I don’t fall into an unlabeled mine. Have you heard about the numerous hot springs in Idaho? There was a meteor collision 17 million years ago that resulted in leftover energy heating the water under the ground near fault lines. People say it’s easy to slip and fall trying to negotiate all the river rocks leading to many of the hot springs. So many questions. So few answers.
Tune in soon to see if I was eaten by a bear, adopted by a wolf pack, ended by a serial killer, swept away in the Salmon River, bitten by a rattler, frozen on a mountaintop, or left with Marvel level web spinning powers. I’ll letcha know!
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