Ask Aunt B

B

Dear Aunt B, How do you know when it is time to start a family? My spouse and I have begun the conversation. I’m nervous because it is a big decision. Do you have any advice?

Time for BABY????? Dear Time for Baby??, Exciting time for you, for sure. Good for you guys to begin this conversation and evaluate your decision.

Never perfect time. I know it can seem like there is never a perfect time and there probably isn’t, however some times are better than others.

There are many reasons not to have a baby.

• Having a baby to fix a broken relationship is a bad idea. Having a baby will never fix a broken relationship, and it is so unfair to your relationship and your prospective child to put that pressure on a baby. If anything, having a baby can put more stress on a relationship. There are many stress-causing factors when raising children.

• You are bored. Well the truth is, you probably won’t ever be bored again after having a baby, but please please get interesting on your own first.

• Everyone else is having babies. This is very compelling. It can feel like you are missing out if all your friends are having children. Make sure the time is right for you.

Just a few things to consider when making your decision: How strong is your relationship today? Is your relationship strong and committed? As I mentioned above, having a baby can put a strain on any marriage. Yes, it is magical at times. It is also very stressful.

What are your expectations and reasons for having children?

Have you and your partner discussed parenting styles? Parenting styles are so very different. Usually, we revert back to how we were parented. Either we will model our parents or swear to do everything completely different. Make sure you have the same mind frame about parenting and can compromise when you disagree.

Do you have the financial wherewithal to welcome and raise a child? Financial issues are real. It costs real money to raise children.

Are you emotionally mature? Can you handle your own emotions before you start to try to teach wee ones how to handle theirs?

Do you both have careers? If so, is one of you going to put your career on hold? If not, how will you handle childcare, and who will care for the child?

How is your own health? Get your own health in check. It takes a lot of energy to raise children.

How will a child or children fit into your life goals? Have you always planned on a life of travel? Yes, you can travel with children. I know a couple who do this well, however it takes a lot of additional work and money.

All this being said, I will say it again: there is no perfect time. Have some great conversations with your partner, and you will know when the time is right.

Love, Aunt B

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