Dear Aunt B, I have a co-worker that has very dirty hair. I want to say something to her because people make fun of her. I am very nervous about this because I feel she already knows it by looking in the mirror, and of course I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
Worried Co-worker Dear Worried Co-worker, This is an age-old problem. I can remember this very thing when I was in high school, and back then I wasn't sure what to do and frankly I did nothing. I'm not especially proud of that. Addressing issues like personal hygiene can be uncomfortable and very sensitive.
So many things fall into this category. Someone with bad breath, something hanging out of a friend's nose or in between their teeth, dirty clothes, and body odor, just to name a few. The lists go on and on. All cleanliness aspects and inappropriate behaviors are delicate issues.
Addressing these issues definitely takes courage, and I respect you for having enough courage to even contemplate taking this action. Doing so can not only help your co-worker but help your co-workers as well. Positive aspects your co-worker brings to the mix might be dismissed by your other co-workers because of this issue. They may be able to bring added assistance to your team that is otherwise being ignored.
Bring your best self with you when addressing this issue. Be kind, empathetic, and understanding. Please do it in private as well. Even though I understand you might want some back up and invite another co-worker to help you, personally I believe one on one would be better. More than likely your co-worker will be embarrassed, and limiting that as much as possible is a good idea. Express your desire to help her and be respectful.
Be direct and clear. It is uncomfortable, so I understand the impulse to beat around the bush and then even apologize for having the conversation. There is no need to apologize for wanting to help someone, so try to refrain from apologizing. Just state that you have noticed the issue at hand. I would plan what I was going to say and even rehearse. It won’t go as planned exactly, but it helps to have wordage prepared.
Offer to help your coworker. Thinking about this, it might be a good idea to ask if they would like your help in finding some solutions to their issue. Don’t make it up, but if you have had similar issues, you can share them and what you did to address your issue.
Be prepared for their reaction. They could be embarrassed or even defensive. Let them talk. There could be a very legitimate reason for this issue, and they may wish to explain. Be prepared for your reaction as well. This can cause a great deal of anxiety for the both of you. Stay kind even if your co-worker doesn’t. Hard, I know. It might not need to be said, but don’t rush over and talk to the other co-workers and tell them what happened. Be conscious that your co-worker can be very sensitive about the whole experience. Try to stay engaged with them, be kind, and smile after your encounter. This could be the start of a new friendship, or the two of you may never talk again. Who knows, it might be the very thing that changes a person’s life. Whichever, I think it is the right thing to do. Good luck, courageous one.
Love, Aunt B
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