Ask Aunt B

B Dear Aunt B, I am worried that I can’t keep up with my identified goals. I don’t trust myself and wish I had not shared my new plans with anyone. I know they don’t believe I can do them, and frankly I don’t either. How do I turn back now and save face?

Spoke Too Soon Dear Spoke Too Soon, Maybe you didn’t speak too soon. You know you can still decide to succeed with your new plans. You can also decide to be soft with yourself and succeed with whatever portion of the new plans you desire. I believe it is never too late to start to believe in yourself.

I have many goals. Many of my goals have been around for a while and are not completed yet. I believe the fact that they are still around and that I have not just decided to throw them away is a success. Throughout our lives there are many things we identify we desire, and some stick and some don’t. That’s ok. Remember, the first step in every journey I am going to take is….Drum Roll please….. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. There, I said it. I commit to you, all my favorite people, that I will start and end as many days as possible with KINDNESS directed right here at Aunt B. It is my hope and desire that you will join me in this new way of being. I am a little excited about this. So much that I got off the topic at hand, your goals.

Look at your goals. Put on a new pair of glasses as you look at these goals. The lens of Kindness. Ask these questions. Do I really want this? If the answer is yes, then continue. Why do I want this? If you are still in the state of KINDNESS, continue. What do I mean by still in the state of KINDNESS? Do you want this goal completed because you believe that you will be happier and more kind in the completion of this goal? Or do you think you will finally be ok and good enough, in the completion of this goal? Pay attention to this distinction. If you have to complete this goal to be good enough, then you have stepped out of KINDNESS. You are already good enough. It is out of the knowledge that you are good enough already that the strength will come to complete whatever you desire.

So you have decided that you really want this, not that someone else wants it or that you are not enough without it. Then question #3: What do you need to believe to achieve this goal? Do you need to develop some new beliefs? I would say, yes. Remember in your question you stated that you don’t believe you can achieve your goal. Remember a belief is just something that you have thought about for a long time. If those beliefs are not working for you then you need to replace them with ones that will. What might those beliefs look like? I don’t have to be perfect to accomplish my goals. I am so much stronger than I ever thought. I deserve to be the best version of myself. I like me. I accomplish things. I will enjoy this journey. I am worthy. Get the picture? Now start rehearsing your new beliefs. Write them down. Repeat them often. When your mind starts to argue with you and make the case for your weaknesses, don’t argue with it. Just say “thanks for sharing”. Ignore the negative words and move on. Never argue with your negativity, just dismiss it.

Next question, who do you need to become to achieve this goal? Here’s your work. Make sure it is the person you want to become and start rehearsing the behaviors that your new self will exhibit. Remember: BE KIND; change can take some time; make it fun. I know you can do this.

Love, Aunt B

If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.