Ask Aunt B

B Dear Aunt B, What makes for happiness? Is happy too big of a goal? What am I missing? I just feel like happiness is too hard.

Unhappy

Dear Unhappy, Broken record here, sorry, not sorry. If depression is a problem, seek professional help. If you have tried all that you know, reach out for professional help. If you have any suicidal thoughts, reach out for professional help, immediately! The suicide hot line is 1-800273-8255. The text number is 988. Take no chance, if you need or even suspect you may need help, reach out immediately. Nothing is worth taking your life. There are solutions for everything.

On a lighter note, happiness is very subjective. What does happiness mean to you? How do you know you are not happy? May seem like silly questions, but I promise there is some gold here. Other emotions can masquerade as unhappy. Actually I’m not sure unhappy would classify as an emotion. Clarity is, again, the best place to start, my friend.

Answer the following: I am the happiest when I ………… I know I am happy when ………….

When I do ............, I am immediately happier.

When I am around ………….., I always laugh. To me the opposite of happiness is ……………..

I know immediately if I am happy or not when ……………….

I spend the following amount of time taking care of myself ……..

I know myself. I know what to do when I am not happy. Yes or no?

………………….. makes me happy.

………………….. makes me unhappy.

What does all that information give you? When you know the things that make you happy, do more of those things. When you know the people that make you most happy, spend more time with those people. When you know the things that cause you to be unhappy, do less of those things. When you know the people that bring you down, spend less time with those people. Get the pattern here? Discover those things that change your moods when you need them. Keep track of the many different things you can do to transform your feelings. Some ideas are breathing and movement. Deep breathing brings you to the present moment; happiness is found there. Movement of any kind is a big deal when you need to move feelings through your body. Go for a walk or just stand up and shake your body.

Happiness is weird for sure. We are happy when things happen that we like and often unhappy when anyone or anything happens that we don’t like or people do things we don’t like. So in these terms, happiness is mostly in someone else’s hands. If this is true then you don’t have much control, do you? This definitely makes for a sense that it doesn’t matter what you do. It is really imperative that you break out of that kind of thinking. It most definitely matters what you do. As with all feelings, good ones come when you take responsibility for them.

I believe there is a better thing to reach for than happiness. Reach for joy and watch for happiness. Reach for peace and watch for happiness. Reach for appreciation and watch for happiness. Get my drift?

Love, Aunt B

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