B Dear Aunt B, I have been betrayed. How do I let go? Sometimes I don’t even know what I am feeling. Am I angry, sad, or hurt? I have no idea how to even process or even know what I am really feeling. Please give me guidance.
I Trusted
Dear I Trusted, Do you have to be feeling only one of those emotions? Of course not. Your emotions are more than likely running wild. Don’t expect anything different. The most important thing right here and right now is to not get stuck in any of those emotions. Just let them process their way out.
Kindness to yourself is of utmost importance. Practice self-care techniques like no tomorrow. Take practice in your most healthy habits. Drink lots of water. Spend time with those you love. Talk nicely to yourself. Think healthy thoughts. Get plenty of sleep. Find other things to be thankful for. Laugh big and often.
My mother always said, “It’s probably for the best.” As much as I wasn’t sure about that when she said those words, I think she was probably right. Don’t throw anything at Aunt B, but this is probably for the best. Something much better is around the corner for you. Listen to all these positive old sayings coming out of my mouth.
Take your time in healing. This is not to be confused with allowing yourself to sit in negative emotions. When the emotions that are completely natural come up – and they will – let them surface. Label them: “I am really angry.” Actually let yourself feel the anger. Then, as quickly as possible, ask yourself, “What would I rather be feeling?” Do what you can to get into the feeling that you would rather be feeling. It can be difficult to know just how long to allow yourself the negative feeling before you do your best to step into lighter, more positive emotions. It is also important to not label feelings as positive and negative. I know I just labeled feelings positive and negative, however what I really mean are feelings that feel good and feelings that feel bad. Call me crazy but I like to feel good more than I like to feel bad. The good news is all the feelings will continue to come up. This will give you plenty of time to process all of them. What you will notice is, as you process them, the feelings that cause you to feel bad will settle down and allow for the “makes me feel good” feelings to dominate. If this doesn’t happen and the “make me feel bad” feelings overtake you, don’t be ashamed to get professional help. As someone wise once told me, “Don’t allow anyone to take your joy.”
It never hurts to ask yourself what your role is in all of this. This is not to blame yourself for anything. This is only to take responsibility for your own life and realize you are in control of your life. It is important to not get into victim mode. We are not victims in life. Oftentimes when we have some time and look over the situations, there have been signs along the way. This experience didn’t come as out of the blue as it may have felt.
Do your very best to not adapt to the beliefs that people can’t be trusted and most people are not good people. This is just not true. There are many fabulous, good, and trustworthy people in the world. I desire more and more of those people in my life. Look for those people. I promise they’re out there.
Love, Aunt B
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