Ask Aunt B

B

Dear Aunt B, I am getting married in the fall. I’m just wondering, what are the conversations that I need to have with my future spouse before we get married? I am really in love and want to do this right. I only want to do this one time. Thanks for your help!

Getting Hitched Dear Getting Hitched, Oh my goodness dear, yes there are many conversations you need to have. Great questions and great ways to help yourself prepare for a lifetime of marital bliss.

Do you have any secrets? Are there things in your past I need to know? (Do you have secrets you need to share with them?)

How will we handle the finances once we are married? Will we have separate accounts or combine them? Do we discuss all purchases or just ones over a fixed amount? Do we need to get each other’s agreement before we purchase things? Are either of us bringing significant property into the marriage? Do we need an agreement on that property?

Do you see us growing old together? How do you see us growing old together?

Do you want children? How many do you believe is ideal? What are your views on raising children?

How do you see us settling things we disagree upon? What happens when we fight? (Oh yes, I promise you will fight.)

Will you tell me the things you want in our marriage? (Make it clear you cannot read minds and you want to keep the lines of communication strong.)

How will we discuss hard topics? What happens when we need to talk about things that one of us or both of us would rather not talk about?

Are we living in the area that you want to stay in, or do you have dreams of living somewhere else?

Do you get along with each other’s extended family? If not, how do you handle that?

What is the best way to love you? (Never assume you know the way others want to be loved. Also share with your significant other how you like to be loved.)

How will you communicate with each other when you need some private or alone time? Do you agree on how much time we spend with your mutual friends or separate friends?

These are just places to begin your conversations. Spend time having deep conversations with each other. Many more topics will come up along the way to your marriage date and beyond. Never stop talking to each other. There will always be things to discuss and enjoy throughout your marriage. My absolute favorite time is the time my husband and I have settled into deep conversations. Have fun.

Love, Aunt B

If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.