Ask Aunt B

B

Dear Aunt B, Is it good to have a best friend? I have friends but they seem pretty superficial. What does it mean to have a best friend? Can you have more than one best friend? How do you find a best friend? Bestie Wanted Dear Bestie Wanted, Friendship is very important. All types of friendships are important.

Define superficial for me. When I see the word superficial, unless it is describing a wound, I don’t consider it a great thing. Superficial in my definition would be shallow and very surface level. I’m not sure I would call that a friend. So if this is your definition, I agree you need more and deeper friendships.

There are different levels of friendship. There are those friends that are soul mates. There are friends that you don’t see very often but whenever you do it is just like no time has passed. There are friends that you appreciate and enjoy spending time with, but you wouldn’t call and check on them if you hadn’t seen them in a while. There are people that you enjoy and appreciate but don’t really think about them. Each and every one of these types of friends are important and nice to have.

Best friends are the best. I believe you can have more than one best friend. To me, a best friend is more the type of friend. Best friends call for a little higher quality of friendship. I have higher expectations from my best friends. Expectations are not exactly the meaning that I am trying to express. Maybe standards is a better word. I try to not have expectations of people, especially my best friends. They are equal friendships. I think you know what I mean by equal friendships. They are give and take. There are times when you give more in these relationships and there are times when you are more on the receiving end. Best friends don’t keep track of the give and take. They know in their heart that it will all work.

The qualities that are important to me in my friendships include trust, compassion, and honesty. These are strong foundations for building lifelong friendships.

What do friends do for us? Friends push us to be our best selves. They give us emotional support. Friends are good for us, they encourage healthy behaviors and when we slip they love us right back into better behaviors, no judgment. They share honest opinions with us; they don’t just say what we always want to hear. They allow us to be ourselves. They listen when we need someone to listen. They help us cope during difficult times. Equally as important, we do all the above for our friends as well.

What makes for a best friend? A best friend is like family to me. Best friends are usually acquainted with your family. Your best friends are your cheerleaders. They take your side; even if they don’t agree, they will fight for your right to have it your way. There are usually inside stories and jokes with your best friends. They know you on a surface that friends don’t get. Friends are not always there for you. Best friends are always there. Friends don’t always keep your secrets. Best friends always do. Friends can be jealous; best friends are always happy for all your success and, where they may want the same as you have, they never want you to not have it.

Yes, I feel it is important to have best friends. If you don’t, where do you start to find these very special additions to your life? Start with being really good friends to those already in your life. Involve yourself in some new hobbies. Oftentimes, great friendships will start with shared interests and experiences.

Do you have to see your best friend frequently? I don’t think so, but it sure is nice. Connecting is important if for no other reason than the comfort that it brings.

Don’t give up on the friends you have when they don’t meet your expectations. Communicate your needs and desires to your friend. Friendships take work just like all relationships. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, you can usually feel something is off. Check this out with your friend. Ask your friend if they want a deeper relationship. It is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend.

Love, Aunt B