Ask Aunt

Dear Aunt B,

Why am I so negative? I have a good life, but I almost always focus on any negative thing that comes into my mind. What is wrong with me? How can I change this behavior?

Negative Nancy Dear Negative Nancy,

There is actually a very good reason you are negative. It is not fun but understandable. Our ancestors were very good at being negative and watching out for anything harmful or we would not be here right now. Our ancestors would have been eaten by wild animals, at best, if they didn’t possess excellent survival skills. Had our ancedstors gotten eaten, well you know where that would leave us. What kept our ancestors alive does not serve us well in this day. Fear is the other culprit that keeps us negative. Ever hear the saying: “Things are going too good, so something bad is going to happen”? I hate that saying. My mother used to say it, and I even called her on it. She admitted she hated it as well but heard it growing up. I find myself sometimes letting my mind wander to this type of thinking. Instead, I have adopted a new saying: “Things are going so good that something great is going to happen.” Whenever the old saying comes into my head, I counter it with the new one.

You can change your ways. You can become more positive. It just takes some positive habit building. Below are a few ideas:

•Stay in the present moment. Anxiety and negativity exist when our minds go to the past and sometimes into the future.

•Practice gratitude, as always this is my go-to advice for being and staying positive

•Notice and look for the good in other people. This takes a new mindset for some of us. Whenever you interact with others find one good thing about them to focus on.

•Be kind to yourself and to others. Kindness it absolutely my very, very favorite value. It has taken me some time to be as kind to myself as I hope I am to others, but I am making progress.

•Compliment other people. This goes along with noticing the good in other people. Compliment them on anything as long as it is true. Never fake a compliment; it doesn’t fool anyone.

•Change your thoughts. When you notice your thinking turning south, change it. Change it to anything positive; it doesn’t have to be on the same topic.

•Spend time with positive people. Don’t have any of them in your life? That is a sign. Go find some new friends.

•Turn off the news. Have you noticed that not much positive gets reported on the news? Just turn it off. I promise someone will tell you if something happens you need to know.

•Do something good for another person. Helping a friend or a stranger just feels good.

•Practice healthy habits: sleep, nutrition, hydration, and exercise all affect our mood.

•Check out your brain chemistry. There are great supplements available to help your body make the necessary neurotransmitters.

•Laugh more. Watch comedies, read funny stories, and spend time with funny people.

•Dance a little dance. Movement and music make magic.

•Write a thank you note. Taking the time to acknowledge another person’s kindness is always a great idea. This simple act helps others stay more positive as well. It really feels nice to receive a note telling you someone appreciates you.

•Practice relaxation and meditation. Living a stressful life does not lend itself to positivity.

•Spend time in nature. If possible, walk barefoot on the ground. It is a way to ground yourself and helps to reset yourself. Watch out for fire ants, nothing positive about fire ants.

Love, Aunt B

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