Ask Aunt B

B

Dear Aunt B, When is it too late to change your whole life? I feel I have been living a lie and I am done with it. I am not a youngster so I am afraid it may be more work than worth. When is not happy not worth it?

Anguished

Dear Anguished, Sorry to be a broken record but, if you are thinking about ending your life, then don’t. Please reach out to someone in person or on the phone. The suicide hotline it 1-800-2738255. There is also a text crisis line. Text 7417451 to reach a crisis counselor. Please please reach out if you need to.

Another broken record, get clear about what you are talking about. What do you want? Sometimes what we have is not as far as we think from what we want.

Living a lie sounds like you are living a false or deceptive life or to live in a way that does not show who you truly are or what your true feelings are. Are you talking little white lies? Are you not speaking up for yourself? Are you agreeing to things you really don’t want to do? Are you not telling those close to you how you really feel about them? Are you pretending to be someone you are not?

Are you a compulsive liar? Compulsive liars lie when it doesn’t even serve a purpose. Usually their lies are not planned, they seem uncontrollable and often are impulsive. Their lies are often frequent and persistent throughout their lives. If this is your problem, seek professional help.

Are you lying to yourself? Examples of this include:

your emotions don’t match your words your behavior doesn’t match you feel inauthentic you don’t listen to others when they try to help you feel you are never wrong I find whenever I get into trouble like this, I am the one I am lying to. My problem begins and ends with myself. Dang, here we go again. I am totally responsible for myself. The buck begins and ends with me.

Lying leads to depression and anxiety. When we avoid dealing with our true emotions or problems, problems get worse and it makes for more work. I’m sure you are aware of this and this is why you are asking for advice.

It is never too late to start living your truth. Just get clear on what that means. Be honest with yourself and others. Be kind to yourself and others. Don’t exaggerate the problems. There are times when you can exaggerate your problems to try to motivate yourself into action. Make small changes. Make a list of all the things you know you love and make you happy and try to do more of those. Talk to a trusted friend or get professional help. This is doable and often, once you begin, can actually be fun. The end result is to live a more fulfilled happy life, right? What’s not fun about that?

Love, Aunt B

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