Dear Aunt B, What do you do when you do business with a family member and they take advantage of the relationship? They charge you more and don’t do as good of a job? I believe they overcharge everyone. They haven’t always done business like this. I am beginning to believe they are in trouble. How should I address this? Trouble within the Family Dear Trouble within the Family, Doing business within the family doesn’t always go so well. It can be great but I believe it depends on the family. I remember within my family, my parents always expected more from me than they expected from anyone else. If I didn’t deliver I would have been in a bunch of trouble. So I learned early on to work harder than anyone else and to expect that as well.
Whenever there is a change, especially a drastic change, I always believe something else is going on.
I suppose it depends how close these family members are, and what the relationship is. Are they doing the work? How has the compensation been set up? In a way, I don’t know that that all matters. I would probably have to say something. Aunt B is not very good at keeping her mouth shut. As I write this I can think of a very clear situation where I didn’t operate this directly. It got me in a bunch of trouble and caused me many sleepless nights. So in this example do as I say not as I did.
Get all your information down so you have a plan. You need to understand the complete situation as well. How has their behavior changed? I would suggest even writing a letter as to what you would like to say. Don’t mail the letter, but this will help you get clear. What is your agenda for the meeting? Do you want to check to see if the individual is in some sort of trouble? Do you want to stop doing business with the individual? Gather any documentation of your concerns. I understand how difficult this is because most of us really don’t like confrontation. Because confrontation is such a tricky topic most of us put it off till it is close to too late. If we could learn to deal with issues before so much emotion gets attached to them, they would be so much easier. This is usually not the case so deal with your own emotion before attempting to deal with the situation.
“How do I deal with my own emotions, Aunt B?” Start with understanding what you are feeling. Are you hurt? Are you angry? Are you frustrated? Are you confused? Getting clear again is your best bet. Once you know how you are feeling, give yourself some comfort and understanding. I know this sounds so touchy feely, but it will help you to communicate your message better.
Once you get clear on the agenda for your meeting, schedule a time to get together with the person. If possible, have this meeting outside of your normal working place. This will allow for time and privacy to discuss the issues.
Give a direct and clear explanation of your concerns, with examples. Ask for their explanations and their perspectives. Really listen as they express themselves. There is a good possibility that more exists within this situation than you are aware. When listening, remember that listening is not just waiting for your turn to talk. After they have responded, try to reflect back what you heard to make sure you have got all the information you need and heard it correctly. If you still do not have a clear sense on how to correct the situation, ask if they have any suggestions. Take all your information and make a relatively quick decision on how to proceed. The worst thing possible is to let this continue like nothing has even happened. Continuing like the status quo will not only exacerbate the situation but will pretty much guarantee that any further problems will go unsolved.
If need be you may need to have some type of mediator’s assistance.
Love, Aunt B
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