B Dear Aunt B, I would really like to find a positive role model in my life. I have friends that encourage me and a great family that supports me, but I like the idea of having an older woman that can pour into me as I’m figuring out life and raising my children. The only thing is, I don’t know how to meet someone and just ask them if they’ll mentor me. Do you have any advice?
Needing a Bonus Mom Dear Needing a Bonus Mom, Mentors are the best. We all need them. There is always someone we can learn from.
It sounds like you have given some thought as to what you want in a role model. That is a good thing. Spend some time also considering the specifics that are not being met by your current relationships. You stated that you have friends that support you and a great family. Good for you. You signed your question “Needing a Bonus Mom”. So, my next question to you is: are you looking for a mentor or a bonus mom? I believe there is quite a difference. I understand the connection. However, a mom cannot have the birds eye view of a situation that you may want or desire in a mentor. In family and friend relationships, we often worry about their reactions as well as our own. This makes things sticky.
There are different types of mentors. You might be looking for someone whose life you have witnessed and you wish to be like them. You may want a mentor that can learn right alongside you. A mentor can serve as a source of strength. Some people see in others what they don’t want. This can serve as a mentorship so to speak, in as much as “I am not sure what to do, but I dang well know what I don’t want to do.”
Where do you look for a mentor? Do you belong to a church? Are you involved with any group of parents? Pay attention to who shows up to your children’s schools and their activities. Ask friends for any advice in finding a mentor.
Once you have located some options for your mentor, ask them to meet. This is where you will want to explain what you want in the relationship. Let them know that you are serious in this relationship and that you really want to learn and are committed to making changes if need be. Both of you spend some time thinking about whether it is a good fit. Define the boundaries of your desired relationship. What are you bringing to the table? Is this something that you are willing to pay for? What are you willing to do for the mentor? Be respectful of their time. If you don’t hear from the individual after this meeting, don’t pester them.
Mentors are great sources of knowledge. They can offer words of encouragement and also constructive criticism. They provide unbiased opinions and can teach us about boundaries. Depending on the relationship, hopefully they can be a trusted ally. All of these attributes can assist you with your personal growth.
An interesting idea that we explored earlier on Aunt B is that you don’t have to have a personal connection with your mentor. It might be someone that you follow online. It could possibly be someone that is no longer living. Of course, both of these pose some problems but can also work well and can be very interesting.
Love, Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.
- Log in or Subscribe to post comments.