B
Dear Aunt B, How do I stop denying my true self and just start doing what I know brings me joy? Why do I have so much selfdoubt around this? True Me Dear True Me, Do you know what brings you joy? If so, you are far ahead of the game. True joy may be, in my opinion, the true meaning of life. I once said, “The meaning of life is to make meaning of life.” Be sure and quote me on that one. For those of us that aren’t sure about the joy thing, let’s talk about that just a little.
What makes you smile? What makes time stop or just fly by? Take a cue from those times; you are very close to joy at those times. Don’t be confused, thinking that it has to be something deep and serious. Meaningful is what it needs to be. Meaningfulness is defined by having a serious, important, or useful quality or purpose. Now that can be confusing, can’t it? The answer lies in the “important, useful quality or purpose” verbiage. What is more important than joy? People will tell you lots of things are more important than joy, but they would be wrong. All those other things are things people are doing in hopes of getting joy. Why not go straight to the source?
I believe one big obstacle is fear. What if what I think will bring me joy doesn’t? What if I am incapable of joy? Would I even know joy if it hit me in the face? All of this craziness is just fear – fear of taking a chance and failing. Failing even at joy. What would be the worst thing that could happen if you didn’t hit joy on your first try? Try, try again.
Joy is available to all of us. It is important to check your beliefs about joy. Do you believe joy can exist for you? Do you believe that you are worthy of joy? Do you believe there is something you should do before you go for joy? Do you believe it is not fair if you have joy and others don’t? Do you believe others have expectations of you that prevent you from your joy? It is important to explore those beliefs because they are quite possibly what is in your way. Remember a belief is just something that you have thought for a long time. Some of those, many of those aren’t even our beliefs. They are beliefs that were passed down to us from others around us. Choose your beliefs wisely. So what better time than now to do an inventory of your beliefs. Which ones work for you and which ones don’t? Then just start, one at a time, pruning out the beliefs you choose to let go, just like you would pick the weeds out of your flower beds. Oh, you don’t pick the weeds out of your garden beds? Then that’s a new story. There I go again, off on a new road.
Next pick the beliefs you want to believe and start replacing the old ones. Repetition is your best bet here. When the old belief comes up, don’t fight with it and try to wrestle it to the ground. Just say, “no thank you” and replace it with your new belief. It can take some time, but it works.
I understand that some of you can’t jump right into this. When you have responsibilities that require you to remain doing things that are not bringing you joy, then start small. Starting will open up opportunities that will surprise you.
A few ideas to start: Practice with gratitude. Everything good starts with gratitude. Stay more in the present. Spending time in the past and in the future robs you of what is actually available to you now. Stop worrying. Worry can become a habit. Worry is only effective if it leads to a plan. Laugh more. Surround yourself with positive people. Watch funny movies. Spend time in nature.
What is one small thing you can do right now? Just do it. Don’t think too hard on this one. Just one small action to take to begin this journey toward joy.
Love, Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.
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