Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

What is the deal with joy? Why do I have such a hard time celebrating things and feeling joy? I want to be more happy and not sure how to accomplish this. Help.

More Happy Please

Dear More Happy Please,

Lots of talk and differing opinions about the feelings of joy and happiness. I, like you, want more joy. I think we all should want more joy. It really is up to us to figure this one out. One reason is that it takes different things to make each of us different people happy.

Abraham Lincoln said “Folks are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” I find this true as well, kinda. We all have the choice to focus on what we want instead of what we don’t want which will make us more happy, right? However, it does take some practice and some attention. In order to build this habit, we need to be vigilant. Pay attention to your thoughts. Make a new habit of always reaching for a better feeling thought. Once you master this, happiness and joy have a much better chance of holding on.

Check with your healthcare practitioner as well. There is a genetic defect, MTHFR, that you can be tested for and if you have it there is a supplement that will assist you in making the neurotransmitters that your brain needs to make you happy as well as other health benefits.

I just listened to a Brene Brown lecture on Youtube that was very interesting. She stated that joy was one of the most frightening emotions. At first, I was like, WHAT?? After listening, it made a great deal of sense. Do you ever feel like things are going so good, something bad is going to happen? This was a saying of my mother’s. I hated it when she would say this. I asked her why she said it, she said she hated it too but had just heard it growing up all the time. I believe it is a pervasive underpinning in society.

Similar, but a little different, is the thought that if we don’t get our hopes up about things then we won’t feel disappointed if we don’t get them. This is another way we keep ourselves away from joy and happiness, and it is an absolute lie. We will be disappointed if we don’t get things we want, but why rob yourself of the joy of attempting and reaching all that we want?

When you do feel happiness and joy, really get into it. Stay with it as long as you can, relish in the moments. Pay attention to how it feels. Remember where you feel it in your body. The longer you stay there, the easier it will be to recreate. Most people can recreate sadness or fear pretty easily because we can linger in those feelings when they creep in. Practice the same with all your good feelings.

Practice smiling for no reason. It works, not sure how but it increases happy feelings. Take better care of your body, good food, exercise, and of course good filtered water help to make you happy. Develop a gratitude practice. Many believe appreciation is the holy grail to happiness. Do something for someone else. Giving feels good.

Here’s to Happy.

Love,

Aunt B

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