Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

My daughters are about to reach dating age. I am very concerned about the world and all that is out there. How do I teach them to be careful and still have fun?

My babies are young ladies

Dear My babies are young ladies,

I love this questions. I wish I would have known what I am about to share with you when my children were young. I believe it would be valuable for both girls and boys.

I have a friend that just recently shared something that he and his wife did when his girls were about to enter the dating age. He came up with 4 questions. I think 4 is a good number but, of course, your decision. I will share a couple of his questions but I do think you would be better to come up with your own questions. He then took his daughters one at a time on a trip. It was a fancy shopping trip but that is not necessary. A shopping trip of any kind might get them a little more interested in your time together, but do whatever works in your budget. I do think if possible I would try to get away from home and out of your normal routine.

Each day, one question was presented. The whole day it was discussed. The discussions weren’t intense, just explored.

The first question was “Why do you date?” Interesting, isn’t it? Have you ever given much thought to why we date? I’m not sure how I would have answered that in my youth. I am not even sure how I would answer it now. Think about how you might keep this question alive the whole day. What are the specifics that you would explore?

Would you discuss the reasons you dated back in the day? What are some related questions you might explore that help to flush out the answer? I thought of a few questions to start you all on your journey. How do you decide if you want to date someone? What are the characteristics that interest you in others? Is there a particular place you would like to go on a date? What do you consider a date? How do you decide if you want to go on a second date with someone? What are the reasons and pros and cons of double dating? (Do they still double date? I almost think it is more like triple dating now.) Do you like double dating? Of course this is not a firing off of one question and then the next. Let the day unfold. Have fun with this. If you are just firing off questions, no one will really be involved and you won’t accomplish your goal.

What are other questions you may ask? Spend time on this. Come up with all the questions you can think of and then combine them in categories. This will help you have lots to explore on each day. I think it is important to have four or whatever number you decide main questions. Let the ancillary questions help fill in your day.

In all of your questions, I would ask how they thought others would answer the questions. This is not to follow what others believe but more important to discuss differences. Pointing out that we are all different and have different desires and expectations is so important. I think this points out the fact that others that one may date may have different expectations.

Most importantly, make this fun. Do other things besides just questions and answers. Make some memories. My friend tells me that his daughters recall these trips as one of the highlights of their youth and that they helped them discover what they wanted in all of their relationships even today.

Much Love,

Aunt B

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