Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B Readers,

Last week, I promised you more information on how to process emotions. There is a little difference between processing old and new emotions. We will talk about both but REMEMBER, if you are having trouble or at any time feel vulnerable, get professional help. No shame, no excuse, get professional help. There are options out there. If you don’t have means to get professional help, check with the local churches to see what is available. If ever you are suicidal call 911 or The National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255.

Feelings and emotions are a bit different but for this answer I am going to treat them as the same entity.

Handling feelings can be extremely easy if done early on. Problem is we very seldom process them early on. Feelings are not meant to stick around. Most feelings will leave your body within 90 seconds if you don’t attach a story to them. That is the secret sauce: don’t attach stories to every feeling you experience. If you have children, teach them this fact and help them learn how to process their feelings. Remember all emotions both good and bad, are a necessary part of life. So, how do we deal with them?

Once you experience a feeling,

• Recognize the emotion.

• Name the emotion.

• Validate the emotion. Don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t feel.

• Feel the emotion. Literally feel it in your body. It can be helpful to pay attention to where you feel it in your body.

• Identify if this emotion is an old feeling or new feeling. This can be difficult and you may need help from a professional. It can also be very easy, just listen to your heart.

Once you have felt the emotion, recognize it for just what it is, an emotion. Do your best to not attach a story to the emotion.

Is there a message or a lesson in the emotion?

• Learn from the emotion.

Usually the feeling, (the feeling in your body) will start to dissipate pretty quickly. If it doesn’t you have probably attached a story to the feeling. I feel this because …………………… . Stop that, just feel it and move on. Pick a new emotion you would prefer to feel.

Practice the recipe for the new emotion. The recipe is just the steps you must take to get to a feeling you desire.

It might be helpful to keep a journal with all the information that you receive when processing emotions.

Have you heard of the Emotional Freedom Technique, often called Tapping? This is a simple and profound tool for dealing with emotions. It can look stupid and feel odd but it works. Don’t underestimate it. There is even a free APP you can download on your smart devices. There is a paid portion as well but the free version is very effective.

Do not let your emotions define who you are. Just because you feel some emotions strongly, don’t call yourself the emotion. An example of this would be to say, “I’m a sad person”. Instead just recognize that you are feeling sad and it is a transient state. Move on.

Don’t forget if you need help, get it.

Love,

Aunt B

If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@forneymessenger.com.