Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I can’t seem to manage my emotions. I am hearing so much about emotional intelligence lately and I‘m pretty sure I don’t have any. Help!!!

Emotional All the Time

Dear Emotional All the Time,

Awareness is always the first step. We can’t change anything that we don’t acknowledge. So kudos to you. Now you know, time to do something about it. First identify your problem a bit more specifically. Do you understand your emotions? Are you aware of what you are feeling? Have you developed any power to change what you are feeling when you recognize it is not serving you? Do you recognize what others around you are feeling? Do you pick up on others’ feelings?

What do you know about emotions? You are correct, emotional health is big. What emotions do you regularly experience? Are you aware of why you experience those emotions regularly? We can become addicted to emotions just like any other addiction. It can take some energy to break those addictions but it is very worth it. Jon Butcher, the founder of Lifebook, a life planning program, states that all emotions have recipes. I had never thought of emotions in this way, but I like it. These recipes for emotions are extremely personal. It will behoove you to identify what each of these recipes of your emotions include. How, you say? Begin by identifying each emotion. As with most things this takes some thought and some time. Pay attention and record what is happening around you when you first recognize the feeling of each emotion. What thoughts are you thinking before and during each emotion? Pay attention to how you are treating your body before each emotion. Did you sleep well? Have you been practicing self care or are you ignoring your mind and body? Are you hydrated, i.e. drinking good clean water and enough of it? How is your sleep? All of these factors affect your emotions. Once you have some understanding of your personal recipes for each emotion, start experimenting with recreating those emotions you desire to increase. Yes, it is important to understand the recipes for those emotions you want to increase as well as those emotions you are trying to decrease.

It is completely impossible to never experience negative emotion. Usually those emotions, like all emotions, are trying to tell you something. Your goal should be to minimize negative emotion and increase positive emotion. When you experience negative emotion, don’t just stuff the emotion. Stuffing emotions and not processing them is one of the biggest problems. These emotions will resurface and often when you least expect them. Stay tuned, next week we will explore some ways to process emotions. Remember, Aunt B is not sitting there personally helping you, so if you are experiencing profound emotions, get help immediately. Never be ashamed to get help when you need it. We all need help at times in our lives. I believe it is the strong ones that recognize this and get help.

Stay tuned for next week.

Love,

Aunt B

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