Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I noticed through the holidays that my parents have really changed. I’m not sure if this has been going on awhile and I haven’t slowed down enough to notice or if it is a new thing. How should I go about checking with them without hurting their feelings?

I love my parents

Dear I love my parents,

This is a very difficult position. So many people are dealing with these issues. Even though it is difficult I believe the best place to begin is talking with your parents. Be gentle, but do check out if they have noticed any changes. This can give you more information without just guessing. You might want to talk to each of your parents separately. This so depends on your personal family and experience and your relationships with each of your parents.

Talking to them separately could give each of them the opportunity to discuss any things they have noticed but have been afraid to talk about.

Ask your parents how they would like you to help them. It isn’t wise or kind to step in and just take over. Imagine how you might feel in the same situation. Someday you might find yourself in the same situation. Think about how you would like it to be handled. Ask questions and listen to their answers. Do not assume you know everything about what is happening or what they need.

There are many different topics that need to be discussed. Hopefully some of these have already been discussed but if not sooner is always better. Below are a few topics to begin your conversations.

Financial: Is their banking in order? Do they have enough money to live?

Medical and Health: There are documents that need to be in place to give others permission and rights if your loved ones can’t make their wishes known. Also you should ask about their doctors’ names and ask your parents if they have HIPAA releases so they can give you medical information if you need to assist them. Also it might be a good idea to have an idea of the medicines, if any, they are currently taking.

Legal: Do they have legal documents in place that give their wishes and set up the correct things needed to carry out their wishes? It is very important to handle these while everyone still has capability. One can not do a will or power of attorney if they no longer have capacity. Housing Issues: Is

Housing Issues: Is their house set up where all safety issues are taken care of? Are they able to continue to live where they are currently?

Emergency situations: Do they need any life alert type of assistance?

Activities of daily living: Can they still accomplish all the activities of daily living? Can they bathe themselves? Can they do their shopping? Is one of them taking care of this for the other one?

The above is just a small sampling of potential conversations and issues. Some of them are needed earlier than others. It is always best to get all of their wishes but be gentle.

Love, Aunt B

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