Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

Even though I know and have heard you say that we are responsible for our own feelings, why do I have no control when people do certain things that make me feel bad?

No Control

Dear No Control,

You are so very correct about one of a part of one of your statements in your question. Do you know which part? Well here goes in ALL CAPS. I HAVE NO CONTROL WHEN PEOPLE DO CERTAIN THINGS. Yes, I know that was only part of your statement, however it was the only part that was true. You have absolutely no control when people do things. If you are waiting to take control of your feelings until you can control the actions of others then just give up now. It will never happen.

We have all been hypnotized to believe all of our reactions are because of the things that happen to us. This is a false belief and definitely very limiting. When we step into real personal responsibility we realize that the only thing we can control is our very own behavior and of course our own feelings.

This belief is hard to break, but can be done. People step up to personal responsibility everyday. I challenge you to be one of them. Below are three crucial steps to taking back your control.

1.) Decide it is more important for me to be happy (no matter what is happening around me) than to be right.

2.) Understand that it is imperative that I take charge of myself rather than give my power away to some other person, place, or thing.

3.) Practice taking power and control over yourself. It is hard at first, but like any new skill, it gets easier.

Taking charge of yourself is exactly what this takes. Giving anyone else permission and power over ourselves is a habit. It is a bad self destructive habit. This, like all habits, can be changed. It is so worth it to make the change. I would go so far as to say this one change is incrementally the most important change I can think of to being truly happy.

What does the new habit you are building look like? It looks like being aware when you give your power away. When you become aware, you acknowledge that you gave away your power and reclaim it. This is not a one and done thing. It can remain in your head for quite some time and continuing to reclaim your power will eventually quiet the monster that lives inside your head. Do this every time you feel a negative emotion. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Remember you have been living like this for quite some time now. The more you do this, the easier it will become. Keep conscious, Grasshopper.

Much Love,

Aunt B

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