Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I have a friend that doesn’t feel much like a friend anymore. I don’t like confrontation. Do I just pretend everything is ok? It just feels unfinished.

Unfriendly

Dear Unfriendly,

I don’t know anyone who really likes confrontation. The word confrontation, itself, makes me uncomfortable. Confrontation is defined as an argument or hostile meeting or situation between two opposing parties. Confrontation is definitely not what I would suggest.

I would suggest you look at the relationship closely because it seems this is causing you some grief. I am pretty sure you have heard the saying, some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime. So the first step is to decide where this one person lands in your life. Whichever it is, I do believe we have things to learn from everyone we bring into our lives. What did you learn from this relationship?

Has this relationship just run its course? That doesn’t have to mean the friendship is over, just not as connected at this time in life. There are life happenings that put us in close connections with certain people and when our life circumstances change, we don’t have the opportunity to be as close as we once were. An example might be we have children that are in sports together or we work together. When these changes occur, it just is not as easy to connect.

Relationships need to be nurtured to be for a lifetime. Nurtured might not be the right word here. I have, and I am sure you do too, those people that you have not seen or connected with for quite some time and when you see them, it’s like you have never been apart. Those friends are true gifts in life. Maybe the word I am looking for is respected. True friends need to be respected and held in high regard.

So deciding what this person means to you is an important first step. Is this just an acquaintance that you were friendly with? What do you have in common? Has there been a miscommunication? Have you just gone your separate ways? Have you lost trust in this person?

Next decide, what are your goals for this friendship? If this is all too much work or trouble, then I would say there is your answer. If this person is someone who at one time held a high place in your life, a good conversation might be in order. It could clear up misconceptions or it could give you some type of closure. In that conversation, I would be honest and kind, not confrontational. The friendship may just need some time and could circle back again.

In the conversation, I would state (if it is true) that the other person is important to you. I would state that you feel something has come between you. I would take responsibility for anything that is your doing. I usually start with this, because as much as I might believe that I did nothing to cause this rift in our relationship, I could be wrong. Hard to believe, Aunt B could be wrong? I know, it’s hard for me to believe as well, but it does happen.

All this being said, there are relationships that are better left to just die away. Possibly they were never real friendships anyway. In that case anymore attention is wasted. Do yourself a favor and just let it go. Only you can decide which of these scenarios works for you. Good luck young one.

Much Love, Aunt B

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