Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I have a secret that I am very ashamed about. I can’t tell you what it is, I have never told anyone. It haunts me and I don’t know how to get past it. Is there anything you can suggest?

I am so sorry

Dear I am so sorry,

I wish I could help you. I am sure you are not alone in this problem. I have thought long and hard for something that might help.

If possible, I would suggest you get professional help. I understand how this might seem impossible if you are not willing to share what is going on or has already gone on, but the professional could possibly help you alleviate some of your guilt, if that is what you are feeling.

What I do know is that something causing you this much discomfort is not likely to get better on its own.

If you have followed me long than I am sure you have heard me preach on the gift of any forgiveness especially self forgiveness. I believe healing begins when we forgive.

Self forgiveness like all forgiveness is a deliberate decision. It is a worthy endeavor that begins with a simple decision. Decide to forgive. Remember forgiveness does not mean you condone your behavior. Just forgive the past.

In forgiving, you can remember four R’s: Responsibility, Remorse, Restoration, and Renewal. Accept responsibility for what you did. Feel the guilt and then move on. Make any amends possible to the individual that you harmed. If that is not possible make amends to someone who has been harmed in a similar way. Identify any lessons that you can learn, and make sure you have learned said lessons.

Beverly Engel in Inc. Magazine identified 5 questions that I believe are powerful.

Can anything be done to change what has happened? (The answer here is no, you can’t change the past)

Do I allow myself to make mistakes? (We are human and mistakes are unavoidable)

Have I done everything possible to make this right? (If no, then do what is possible)

Why am I holding on to this?

How can I use this as an opportunity to grow?

I would suggest you write down each one of these questions. Get down on paper everything rolling around in your head. You can always burn the paper when you are finished if you want to make sure no one finds the paper. It can really help just to get all this information off your mind.

Good luck with this process my friend.

Love, Aunt B

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