Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I suffer from negative thinking. It doesn’t feel like negative thinking to me but that is what others say. It just feels like truth to me. However, I do suffer. I do hope that things aren’t as bad as they seem to me.

Help

Dear Help,

Negative thinking is so bad because it grows and grows. It doesn’t protect us or keep us safe. It actually does nothing for us except make us miserable. It takes work but this is definitely fixable.

The first reason it is imperative that you do the work is that whatever we focus on increases. This is not the horse you want to ride home on. Our thoughts are not always our friend and they are not all true. Like I mentioned earlier, when this is a lifelong habit we become so jaded that we actually think these thoughts are true and somehow protect us. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Daniel Amen, MD, which is a psychiatrist that treats brain issues such as these and much more, has coined the term, ANTs, for automatic negative thinking. Automatic because these thoughts happen without us even thinking and choosing them.

Dr. Amen has identified 9 types of ANTs.

All or nothing ANTs; Less-Than ANTs; Just-the-Bad ANTs: Guilt-Beating ANTs; Labeling ANTs; Fortune-Telling ANTs: Mind Reading ANTs: If only and I will be happy when ANTs: Blaming ANTs. I don’t know about you but I am familiar with all of them, way too familiar.

Becoming aware of these thoughts is the first step in conquering them. We can’t change something when we are not aware. The second step is to not argue with the thoughts. The act of arguing with these negative thoughts actually gives them more power and makes it more difficult to let them go. It can help to challenge the thought. Is it really true? Do you have evidence to the contrary of this negative thought? Look hard for concrete evidence for the positive aspect not the negative thought. We can become experts at identifying any and all negative aspects of ourself and of our life. How is that working for you? My guess is not so well, so stop it.

As much as I would like to tell you that this is a once and done behavior, it is not. Get comfortable with the identifying and challenging because this behavior has been going on a long time and will take a substantial amount of time to get under control. Negative thinking can get very crafty and even disguise itself as something different that it is. How can you recognize this behavior? First of all it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t leave you feeling better about yourself, your world or others. How you are feeling is your first sign. I think I hear the talk now, “Aunt B I can’t feel good all the time, right?” I say why not? Who says you can’t feel good all the time? When did you last solve a problem by feeling bad? Of course, I don’t have this mastered either. But it is my intention to work on this for all times. How might you make it fun? If you take on Dr. Amen’s term of ANTs, you might go about killing(stopping) them as seriously as you would if you had another type of ant problem.

Thinking of these ANTs this way takes my brain to an interesting comparison. I think about fire ants. I have never heard of a positive aspect that comes from fire ants. If you know one, don’t waste your time letting me know. I don’t want to think about anything positive with fire ants. What I do know is when they bite me I have a terrible reaction and it always ends in a scar. Same thing for automatic negative thoughts, ANTs. Changing this behavior can and will change your life. Good luck on the very worthy endeavor.

Love, Aunt B

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