Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

How can you learn to trust other people? People have let me down and now I don’t trust anyone.

I’m Lonely

Dear I’m Lonely,

It is difficult to trust when we have been let down or hurt by other people for sure. I believe the number one person we should trust is ourselves. Do you trust yourself? What does it mean to trust yourself? I know that I have let myself down on many occasions. If you are like me then this is a good place to start. Make promises to yourself and keep them. Do the things you say you’re going to do. This takes me to loving yourself. It is hard to trust anyone when you don’t love and trust yourself.

It is also difficult, if not impossible, to really trust someone who doesn’t love themselves. If I am looking to you to make sure I’m ok, it is unlikely that I will feel safe in being my true self. If I’m not being my true self can you really trust me?

We can feel stupid when someone broke our trust. It is important to remember that you didn’t do anything; it is their untrustworthy behavior.

I once heard there are two reasons we don’t trust other people. One is we don’t know them. The other is we do know them. I think this is true. You should get to know someone before you put your trust in them. Not everyone deserves your trust. There are people that you have a real sense you shouldn’t trust but you just want to trust them for some unknown reason. It could be as complicated as they remind you of someone that has hurt you in the past and on some level you want to heal that hurt. This will not work.

Before you trust anyone’s words, look to trust their actions, behaviors and patterns. Look for character loving people. Work on your own character and become more loving. Expect this from those you choose to spend time with. We become the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Choose these people wisely.

All this being said, what are you looking to trust? What are you expecting from others? No other person can take care of you if you don’t take care of yourself. No other person will continue to show up in a relationship in which you are not showing up. No one will keep your secrets if you don’t keep others’ secrets.

Building trust takes honesty. It takes clear communication. It takes patience. It takes vulnerability. It takes time.

Love,

Aunt B

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