Ask Aunt B

Dear Aunt B,

I am really sick of myself. I stay pretty disappointed with myself and my life most of the time. I am tired of always being a disappointment to myself and my family. I really want to do better, it just doesn’t seem like I can maintain better.

Sick of it all

Dear Sick of it all,

First things first. Please don’t take this column as a lifeline. Are you thinking of suicide? If so, immediately get professional help. Suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255. This is 24/7, free, and confidential support service for people in distress. Reach out to your loved ones, your church, anywhere you can think. There is help available. Please get the help you need.

Second, if what you are saying is you are truly just sick of doing or not doing what you know will satisfy you, then good for you. Oftentimes we don’t make changes until we are good and sick and tired of what we are doing that is not working.

Sorry for being a broken record here but the first place to start is with gratitude for what you have and what you have done. When you are disgusted with yourself you tend to over exaggerate the bad and the mistakes. What this does is keep you stuck in the past. NOTHING good comes from being stuck in the past. The only change you can make is today and then continue tomorrow. What things can you focus on and complete today?

Get clear on what you want. Stop spending time arguing or dancing or ignoring what is. Evaluate what is, accept what is and then decide what you want different. I personally think clarity is the answer. A map would not help us get anywhere if we didn’t have a destination. Can you imagine how far you would get if you started out on a trip and didn’t even know where you wanted to go? At every stop sign, every corner you would have to stop and make a decision and you wouldn’t have any information to help you make that decision. Imagine sitting at each and every corner and needing to decide which way to go. How uncomfortable would this be? How many times would you second guess yourself or regret taking a turn? Where this might be fun or an adventure for a short time, it is no way to live your life. Figure out what you want and then begin the work to get it.

Then baby steps, kid. If you don’t like baby steps I get it, I don’t like them either. Baby steps make me feel like I am not going anywhere. The answer to this for me has been to document (realistically) where I am, then proceed. I now take baby steps but on a number of items. This won’t work for everyone, but it has for me. Others need to proceed toward one goal, complete and begin on the next. Figure out what works for you.

Love,

Aunt B

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