I am a very important person. Over 30 years ago, I accepted a position as the Chief Information Officer of an up and coming conglomerate known as Dina’s Kids, Inc. I thought I surely would’ve retired by now. I mean, I pretty much work 24/7 with no breaks, no vacations. I applied for a sabbatical in 1999 but it was denied. If anything, the work has gotten more difficult in recent years. I guess I could speak up, let my chair holders know I’m in over my head. As if that wasn’t enough, I was also appointed as Team Lead over the Dept of Empath Reactions. The list of duties is never ending. I start each day by examining our stock prices. How are we doing? Has our net worth increased lately? Next, I check in with my board of directors. The demands are never ending. You’ve seen that Instagram meme, the one that says my brain has 15 tabs open at the same time and I don’t know where the music is coming from? They wrote that about me.
Kids ask a metric ton of questions. As parents, we spend approximately 5 years answering THE SAME ONE, repetitively. If you gave me a nickel for every time a kid asked me why, I’d be on my private island drinking things that can only be served in a hollowed out pineapple. That’s the origin of the CIO. Just when we get the hang of the “why” dilemma, they hit us with the “what is that” era and the “please with a question mark” stage. It’s a daunting job at first, but we practice canned responses until we can rattle them off without breaking a sweat. I was moving up the ranks of Dina’s Kids, Inc. faster than a 90’s hedge fund manager…until I was demoted.
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