Most of the people who come to see me have problems with control. Usually they want to control other people. Parents want to improve a child’s behavior; spouses want each other to be more supportive, family members want less fighting in the house. It takes a lot of work to get them to understand that we simply don’t have this kind of control.
That’s the bad news. I can’t “fix” your kid, make your spouse more understanding or your relatives less annoying. Neither can you. The good news is that you have almost complete control over yourself. You are the one person you can change virtually at will. Some people don’t want to do the hard that takes, but there’s really no other way. In the psych world (specifically in the world of Cognitive Behavior Therapy where I live) we talk a lot about the way people perceive their situations. Turns out, what you perceive becomes your reality. And you get to CHOOSE how you perceive your world. That’s the ultimate control! Let me give you a personal example.
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