That question? That’s a brave one. Let’s start by saying it out loud together: You are not broken for being afraid of being alone. You are beautifully human. And sweetheart, so many people feel the same way. You just had the courage to put it into words.
Let me share a little story with you. Years ago, I had a dear friend, let’s call her Jana. Jana could charm a room with her laugh and never seemed to run out of things to say. But one day, over tea, she confessed, “I don’t know what to do with myself when it’s just me. I feel like I’m disappearing.” That stuck with me because I’ve been there too. We’ve all had those moments where the quiet feels too loud, where the empty space feels more like a vacuum than peace.
So, let’s talk about how you begin to enjoy your own company, gently, kindly, and without shame.
Most of our fear of being alone isn’t about solitude, it’s about the story we attach to it. Sometimes it’s old stuff, maybe from a time when being alone meant being neglected or ignored. Sometimes it’s newer fears, “If I’m alone, am I unlovable?” “Am I missing out?” “Will I feel lonely forever?”
Those questions are heavy. But here’s what I want you to know: being alone doesn’t mean being unloved. It doesn’t mean you’re less than or that something’s gone wrong. It just means you’re in a space where you get to learn the rhythm of your own heart. There’s a big difference between being alone and being with yourself. One feels like absence, the other feels like presence. This shift is the secret sauce.
Start small. Light a candle just for you. Make a cup of tea and drink it slowly. Go for a walk and notice things – the color of the leaves, the way the sun hits the pavement, the way your breath feels on a cool morning. Do things with yourself the way you would with someone you love. Because you are someone worth loving.
And here’s the trick, treat your time alone like a date. Wear cozy socks, play your favorite music, read something deliciously light or soul-stirring. Start to associate time alone with comfort and care.
One of the best things you can do is create a little ritual that’s just for you. Something you do only when you’re by yourself. It doesn’t have to be big. One of my friends shared that she paints her nails and listens to old jazz records. Another makes an elaborate breakfast every Saturday morning, even if it’s just for her.
Your ritual becomes a touchstone. A moment where being with yourself feels special. Over time, it becomes something you look forward to.
This one’s hard at first, but it’s so powerful. Listen to your inner dialogue when you’re alone. Are you telling yourself scary stories? Are you criticizing your every thought? Most of us are way meaner to ourselves than we’d ever be to a friend.
Start practicing self-talk that’s kind, curious, and compassionate. When a fearful thought pops up, try saying, “I hear you. But we’re okay right now.” Or, “I see you, fear. You’re trying to protect me. But we don’t have to panic.”
Yes, I talk to myself like this. Yes, I’ve been caught doing it in the car. No, I don’t care, because it works.
Learning to enjoy your own company is like building a muscle. You don’t go from fearing alone time to loving it overnight. Start small. Five minutes. Then ten. Take yourself out for a solo coffee. Watch a movie by yourself. Journal for ten minutes and see what shows up.
Each time you make space for yourself without rushing to fill it with noise or people, you grow your confidence. You learn that you’re not just tolerating yourself, you’re actually kind of great.
Let’s make this clear: you can feel lonely in a crowded room. And you can feel at peace in solitude. The difference is connection, not to others, but to yourself.
When you feel lonely, ask what part of you is needing attention. Is it sadness? Boredom? Grief? Invite those parts in like guests at the table. They don’t need to run the show, but they do need acknowledgement.
You are your own home. Your own constant. Learning to enjoy your own company isn’t about pushing people away. It’s about building a strong, steady relationship with yourself, so that no matter who comes or goes, you always have someone trustworthy in your corner. And baby, that someone is you.
Love, Aunt B
If you would like to send Aunt B a question please email your question to news@ forneymessenger. com.